I got this from one of my groups. I thought it fit my situation so perfect! The greatest thing about the article is that it was actually written by a MAN!!! Have a good laugh!! And feel free to comment!
It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads
anymore, not even for fun.
They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and
looking for something "better".
I've got a few things to tell you:
1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half
as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your
marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.
2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless
marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are
liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't
interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting.
Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing
the same boring way every fucking time and they expect you to scream like a
porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she
chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah
blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for
another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn
that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of
the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how
about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that fucking hard to
stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say.
Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains fucked out
on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now?
Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be
with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the
3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT
miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a
divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be
honest and don't try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying
married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look
like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough
about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on
her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of
some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing
honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really
cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into
saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your
marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of shit.
4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along
to entertain you. What are you, fucking 12 years old? If you're bored with
your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to
think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a
temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap
on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having
a fucking riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is
hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the fuck up and take some
responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into
your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being
a baby because life isn't fun.
5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think
you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you
do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted)
and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone
stitch your asshole together because your just pushed a watermelon out of
your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly
stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you
used to 6 weeks later, then you can bitch about how she's not attractive
anymore. Until then, shut the fuck up. You have no concept of what she has
sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she
wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she
wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and
stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was
willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM.
Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old
who gives you the time of day. Asshole.
6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong
with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think
fucking some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make
anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really
well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that
you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and
you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not
most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone
WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception.
And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to
7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little fuck-fest:
Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your
income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be
fucking around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT
Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they
WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER
family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your
church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them.
She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she
will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a
billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.
Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you
deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't
care enough about them to keep your fucking pants on. They will see their
mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back
and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for
it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced,
they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to
your shiny new soulmate/fuckbuddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If
your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shit hits
the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron
who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that
you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by
themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are
smarter than you are at this point.
So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you're a victim and
your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you
didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the
rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them.
Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of
all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of
your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first
day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love"
with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around
you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that
caused you to be such a spineless bastard in the first place.
Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club. See you in hell.