A New Day... A New Way

[MariahB]

So I stayed up all night reading this book called Paradigm Found: Leading and Managing for Positive Change. I had a little memory refreshing to do and I did refresh my memory. Some of the things that I posted yesterday were out of my ambition to help even though I never really explained to anyone how I want to help...not a good job of explaining anyway. The truth is I posted some things yesterday that I know better than to do. I know that there is a right and a wrong way to facilitate change but I was so wrapped up in my discovery that I was attempting to start at the end rather than the beginning. I even made some apologies last night that I didn't mean. After recollecting myself and my sanity I came to the realization that yesterday I had no idea HOW I wanted to help make adoption better, I just knew the I wanted to help and assumed you all could read my mind somehow. For that, I truly apologize. I do not apologize, however, for trying to be there for those who need me.

With that being said, I think I can work a little more efficiently now. I read a lot of the websites that were mentioned to me and I got a real understanding of how many sides there are to adoption and that all sides need equal attention. My original gesture was to pitch one idea to everyone involved to get to my master vision but it wont be that easy because each side has its own unique challenges. I will have to create support teams that focus on their specific challenges and then team leaders can meet up and process results and ideas together so that we can systematically come to some at least basic agreements on what needs to be done to make things better for everyone. I hope this makes a little more sense than from my ramblings of yesterday. If I haven't ran everyone away, I would like to try to start again... the right way this time.

BTW, I'm done being defensive. I have decided that it would be in everyone's best interest to use any negative feedback to question my judgements and to help clarify my vision. Instead of allowing myself to believe it can't be done, I will use these types of comments to ask myself "How can we do this in the context of our dreams and beliefs?" We should establish values and principles that will govern our actions and be willing to openly share with each other. We cannot allow ourselves to judge one another, but to learn from one another regardless of our differences. If you don't think you can do this, then you may have to sit back and watch for a while until things get established. If this sounds like something you would want to be a part of, then leave your reply here.

[lisafdoula]

Jul. 24, 2008 at 4:59 PM

If you want to make adoption better, why not take the approach of education?  By that, I mean educating pregnant women who are considering adoption, and the general public of the long-term effects of adoption.  Sometimes adoption IS necessary, but many of these pregnant women are relinquishing thier child because they see no other way.  Why not find a way to teach them what other ways there are, and then their choice will be fully informed?  Your care for adoption is encouraging, but you should use your energy in an area that is not already flooded (aka, more ways to get pregnant women to give away their babies).  These girls need to know that their situation is temporary.  So many times a woman feels hard pressed and relinquishes under the impression that adoptive parents can give their child more than they themselves can offer at the time.  AT THE TIME is the operative phrase here.  In 6 months, a year, whatever, their situation may improve and they will have given up something that they can never get back.  This is why adoption can be so terrible.  The adoption community (agencies) tend to tell these girls that they are making the "right choice' or they're being "brave" "unselfish" and "giving".  Those terms are very manipulating.  If you want to tackle adoption with those types of issues, you'll find tons of support in the birthmoms groups.