I've been getting worked up lately about wondering what is wrong with my son. He now has three therapists coming to the house to work with him. He is making progress, but he still has some issues. There is a whole laundry list of concerns, but some of the concerns may be normal development. I'm not sure. I am hoping to get him in to see a developmental pediatrician. He has to see his regular pedi first, and then we can get the referral. Maybe then we'll find out what's going on in his head. In the meantime, my son is unique, and he is mine. There is a passage in Psalms that goes through my mind when I think about him. It's from Psalm 139: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." You know, whatever the diagnosis, God created him. James is fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't have to worry about what is wrong with him, because God made him just the way he was supposed to be. He has a purpose for being the way he is. I'm not sure what that purpose is, but he's only 2 years old. I don't need to know that right now. My job is to make sure that I play with him and reinforce what he is learning from the therapists. It's difficult at times to have a child that ticks just a little differently than the other "normal" kids.

When I think about what could be wrong with him, I get absolutely neurotic about it! And then things I didn't worry about (like the lack of eye contact), I should be worrying about! It really drives me batty to break it all down. There is great comfort in knowing that James is exactly who he is supposed to be. I love my son, and I want him to be successful. Maybe his successful isn't going to be what other people consider successful. I'm not sure how he'll be in school, but maybe he won't be good at math. I might cringe at his lack of understanding how chemistry works. But maybe one day he will make someone cry by the way he plays a violin. Or maybe he'll paint something that will touch the innermost parts of someone's soul. Maybe all he will do is be a good husband and father. Maybe he'll just be an honest man who looks to the needs of others. That's really all I want. I will be so proud of him if he simply rises above the cares of this world and focuses on the world that is to come.

In the meantime, the journey is hard, and it feels like forever. But I know that God has given me strength to go through this, and He will continue to give me strength to go through this. Paul, I think, talks about "light and momentary troubles" in the Bible. Are these those light and momentary troubles? I'm just trying to get him to converse with me; I'm not fighting for his very soul. In the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to worry about. James is fine, and he will be fine. And so will every other child out there.

Tags: developmental delay

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