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He's mine! Right?? Please, can I keep him??
- Jul 25, 2008 at 6:29 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (63) Everyone can see this journal post.
This hopefully will be the final post about my nephew. It's because I want to talk about him becoming mine.
When he'd come to stay with us when we were engaged and first got married, I'd dread it. Morgan was a kid who was out of control, it seemed to me, didn't know how to be part of a group, didn't know how to accept a a no answer. Now I, and you too, know why.
Now I want to keep him with all my heart. I want him to be at our house all the time, including all holidays. I want to feed him and guide him and appreciate his creativity and help him learn how to be around people of all kinds. I want to be the ones who take him to check out colleges and sit in the rows at his high school graduation.
I want his mother out of his life, because I want to be his mother.
Well, that, and it's hard to be a mother to a kid who already has a mother, who seems like a better mother to the kid because she buys him stuff and takes him to get fast food and soda whenever she sees him, and whom he misses because he got used to having her around and now she's not around because he lives with us.
It's hard to be a mother to a kid who already has a mother, who tells him her perspective on how things are. And they are wrong. Not because *I* think they're wrong, but because it IS WRONG. Like the thing about how love works from the previous post.
It's hard to be a mother to a kid whose mother says, to him, you shouldn't have to go to bed so early., (Whose two-year-olds were still up at 10 pm the last time she called my DH on the phone.)
She doesn't have his best interests at heart. She will sabotage his feelings, his grades, his progress, so that she gets what she wants, to feel good, or whatever. She puts him in situations that jeopardize his probation.
Seriously.
So because his mother has neglected him and made him work and banished him to his room for playing like a boy, and who never put him to bed a decent hour, I want him to be mine.
Because I am the one who gets to say first, "nice job!" when the report card is mailed to us, and shouted "come on! you can do it!" when he completed the sprint triathlon right along with me, I want him to be mine.
Because I'm the one who gets to let him eat as much of my freshly baked bread as he wants, and watches as he takes enormous pieces of blueberry coffee cake after he's eaten two servings of veggies at supper, I want him to be mine, and I want to be the one to help him shop for new clothes because he outgrew his other ones after three months.
Am I wrong and selfish?? I hate to think that I am, but I struggle with this feeling daily.
"If you love something, let it go." I know, I KNOW.
This morning Morgan's mom texted him that she was going to be here in ten minutes to pick him up, to take him back to her house so he could help her clean the garage. What could I do but let him go?
Instead of sauteed chicken and rice, and blueberry coffee cake that I made from the season's new crop, he'll be eating fried food and soda.
Instead of unconditional love, he'll be getting love that says, I'll love you except if you do this, and you can't love me back unless you love only me.
"If it comes back to you, it was meant to be yours."
I know I'm wrong to want to keep him for myself.
Wouldn't you, though??
Won't I for the rest of my life.
Tags: commitment, letting go, love, nephew
Comments:
Of course you want him!!! Of course it feels selfish because you want this so much, but it's with his best interests at heart. You've put a lot into this relationship. You've sown a lot of seeds that you want to see through to the harvest. Just keep praying for perspective. Keep loving him the best way you know how.
I hear the Love you have for Morgan- I am sure he feels it like he never has before- It is very hard for kids to be put in this kind of situation, he probably feels very torn- A mother is a mother- a good one or bad- I think you have gave it your All to show him he is Important part of your family, if he decided to go with his mother- it won't take long for him to follow his heart right back to his "Other Mom" Be proud of yourself for everything you have done for Morgan Nomatter What- You are Far from Selfish! Wishing you the Best-
Just always be there for him that is the most important. I know of your feelings. because I helped raised a child, and it was so difficult emotionally. However, I strongly feel God places us where we are needed and supposed to be in life. The little boy I raised was only 5 months when I decided to help his mom, who had 4 other children at the time and was going to place him in foster care. She was young and basically just wanted her freedom. I stepped in and took care of that child every single time I was needed-never once turning her away. The bond between myself and that precious baby was unbelievable!! I had him so much that everyone thought he was my son. Her promises of adoption soon were no longer mentioned once he was about 2 years old. For me that did not matter, love is love and I was committed and loved this child as my very own! That little boy who is my Godson, is now 14 years old. Both of his parents were not always around when he was a baby. But that was still his parents. I grew to learn through a lot of heartache and pain that God had different plans. His mother eventually took him when he was a little over 5. She allowed us to stay in his life because she knew it was best for him. It is the hardest test of love. I will tell you that my Godson is a happy, healthy loving child. Our bond is great and will always be great. I support him in everything he does and he knows he can forever count on me. The most important thing is your love for your nephew. As long as he knows you are there for him always then that is most important. You are no being selfish when your heart is so attached to a child. 
You know, sometimes "mother" is just a title. My husband was raised by a woman who sounds very much like your nephew's biological mom. It was very hard on his stepmom and grandmother to watch him grow up in the care and custoday of a woman who was also very manipulative and incapable of unconditional love. It is a painful process for you, but as the years pass, he will think of you as his mother, because you were the one there for him - no matter what. You were the only one who cared enough to sacrifice for him and loved him enough to encourage him even though he makes a mistake. Over time he will come to realize who his biological mother really is...and when he's in trouble, he will know who he can turn to. That is the most important thing.
He is so very lucky to have you caring so much for him and helping him become the man he will one day be.
As far as I'm concerned, you ARE his mother. His Bio-Ma isn't a mother. She's a "friend" being nice ONLY when it's convenient to her. THAT"s NOT A MOM. A mom does what YOU do. You care for him, treat him like a son. And you make me cry reading your posts. Ah, I can only pray I'm half as amazing as you!! You are strong, and no matter what, I consider you his mom since you treat him like a son. SHE on the other hand only sees convenience and her way. THAT is NOT a mom. Bless you, honey, bless you for being a terrific mom to Morgan. I can only imagine how proud of him you are, how proud of him your family is. Blessings to you!!
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