I copied this from a post in one of my groups.....

[SheilaJean]

1.
I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. His name is
one I thought I would say and hear for a lifetime. And now it is a name
no one will say in my presence. My child lived and was important and I
need to hear his name.

 

2.
If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my child, I wish you knew
that it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has
caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and
emotional outbursts are healing.

 

3. I wish you wouldn't kill my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances.

 

4.
I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs, I wish you
wouldn't think if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I
have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.

 

5.
I wish you knew the death of a child is different from other losses and
must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you
wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse, or a pet.

 

6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me.

 

7.
I wish you knew that all the "crazy" grief reactions I am having are in
fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the
questioning of values are to be expected following the death of a
child.

 

8.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first
few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with
Alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent," but
will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent."

 

9.
I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain
weight, or loose weight, sleep all the time, or not at all, develop a
host of illnesses and be accident prone, all which may be related to my
grief.

 

10.
Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are
terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us you are thinking about
our child on these days, and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know
we are thinking of our child and don't try and coerce us into being
cheerful.

 

11.
It is normal and good that most of us reexamine our faith, values, and
beliefs after loosing a child. We will question things we have been
taught all our lives and hopefully come to see a new understanding with
our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making
me feel guilty.

 

12.
I wish you wouldn't offer me drinks or drugs. These are temporary
crutches and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience
it. I have to hurt before I can heal.

 

13.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same
person I was before the moment my child died and I never will be that
person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old self,"
you will stay frustrated. Please try and get to know the new me - maybe
you'll like me still.

[proud_mommy_87]

Oct. 16, 2008 at 4:21 PM

Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm not a member of your group. I just happened by your profile. I'm so sorry for your loss. Posts like these are really helpful for those of us who have never lost a child and are unsure how to express our grief, concern, and remembrance in the midst of those who have. I have only had a miscarriage, and though it doesn't compare, I can tell you that DH and I cried and grieved for months and I gained weight. It seemed as though I would never "get over it." I know now that it's not something that you ever get over. You just learn how to live with it. I'm so sorry you lost your little girl. I hope your heart can find some hope and healing. Again, thanks for the great post!

[starrsun]

Jan. 15, 2009 at 8:31 AM

Lady,you know I hear you....and feel you,although slightly different...JJ was already gone when I held him the first and last time.....the pain never goes away,I can assure u of that...but with God's help,family,and friends..it does lessen....Godspeed,and yes,I got your message....please continue to keep me updated on his reports...and my message on yahoo was not meant for you,so never fear there,ok? Blessings,sweet lady!!!

[ninajo]

Oct. 23, 2009 at 11:23 PM

Thank You, today my son would have been 39 years old and I cried again and nobody even mentioned this day to me. Not even his dad. Today October 23 will always be my babies birthday.  Nina