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(RIP)Evan David Allen
- Jul 26, 2008 at 11:29 PM
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- Comments (27) Total Views (1087) Everyone can see this journal post.
I have never posted a blog before, but someone told me that writing about our tragedy might help. As most of you know, our beautiful 6-year old son passed away on May 31st. That morning I found him curled up in his little bed already with the angels. I kept trying to wake him, but he would not move. Even after the realization that he was gone, I screamed louder thinking he would hear me. This is truly a parents worst nightmare. I am still wondering if I am going wake up.
Evan's death was, and still is a complete shock. He showed absolutely no signs of major illness, except for a slight fever and a cough the evening before. The medical examiners have told us that his little body was perfect from head to toe. All the preliminary tests have come back negative, meaning that his death was not caused by any disease or organ defect. We are still waiting on genetic reports, which can take weeks to months.
Since his death, our emotions have been all over the board. One minute I am okay, and the next I hit the floor in tears. I go from sad to angry constantly. My husband is the same. We are trying to bond together and have been praying together non stop. He is certainly a strong person. For that, I am so grateful. We now know why our 2-year old was born with an amazing, spunky, strong-willed personality. He is going to be our strength through all of this. However, the constant worry that something is going to happen to him is almost unbearable! I just pray every day that God will let us keep him safe with us.
Being at home is also very difficult. I finally had to close his bedroom door because it is just to painful to go in. All I see is his perfect little body laying in his bed. I just cannot get that out of my mind. I constantly think, if only I would have done something different. Why Evan? He was such a wonderful child. He was always kind and caring. His love for life was evident in his precious little smile. Three weeks ago we were celebrating his 6th birthday, and now we have already buried him. I just don't understand. I don't think I ever will. It makes me sad to think that we don't get to watch him grow up. I will never get to teach him to drive a car, or how to treat girls. I will never watch him get married or stand beside Noah when he gets married. This is so hard to accept! I would give anything in the world just to hold him or tell him to stop running through the house. It is just not fair...
I know that the days and months ahead are going to be very difficult. Nate had to experience his first Father's Day without Evan. The look of devestation and hopelessness on his face is so difficult to see. I wish that I could have somehow made his day a little better, but right now there is nothing to take the pain away. Our hearts are broken and empty. Right now it is hard to imagine ever feeling happiness again.
I know that God has a plan for all of us. While I may never know why, I have to hold Evan in my heart and believe that he is safe in the arms of God. I will continue to pray for God to help us through this. I know that we will never be the same, but God has a plan for us. I just need to keep my faith and trust that God will lead the way.
Evan, I love you and miss you so much!
Comments:
I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful little boy. I can't even imagine what you are going through now. You are right, God has a plan for you and your family. I will pray that God will keep you strong.
I could not read all of your post as it brought back my own memories. Hunny you need to seek grief counseling so you know and can regonize these feelings when they hit you every 2 seconds of the day. You will go through grief stages while healing. My triplets would have been 10 nxt month and already knowig we are moving into that month those feelings are coming back. But Thank God I know they are coming and I know how to deal with them as they start rolling in. I am so sorry for you and my heart hurts so bad for you!
I am soo sorry
My heart is hurting and I am in tears, i have a six year old son. I can't even imagine life w/out him. May God be with you at this time of need.
Bless your family for your loss.He's now an angel watching over you and yours. Take care. debado62
Thank you for sharing Evan's story. I am so sorry for your loss. I know Evan is proud of you for sharing his memory. Losing a child is so very difficult....saying a prayer for you, your husband, baby and for Evan too.
If you haven't already you may want to look into a group called Compassionate Friends. They have chapters in every state. Here is their web site link. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
Oh my Gosh. I am so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your family..
I am so sad for your loss. I hope for you and your husband to find some peace.
I can't even imagine........I am so sorry.
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I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))
- Southerncharmes
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