insomnia, nothing knew

[TwistedMalice]

I have suffered from insomnia for years only to get worse after I had my son 3 years ago and to progressivly get worse threw out those years. The doctors told me stress induced fine I take sleep aids or stress meds doesn't work.. I have tried relaxation, medications of all types, doing something boring, reading, baths, herbal, pacing, you name it I have prob tried it, lol. Alot of time I am just up and have no clue why so I call myself nocturnal a-kin to night time, lmao. Its just hard sometimes becuase everyone I know is asleep and when I do call and apologize I feel like an ass about it for waking them. Even if I call someone I know thats awake I still feel bad becuase I tend to talk and talk and talk, im more alert and talkitive at night, lol. oh vey.. so for the millionth time in my life I am yet again trying the good ol techinque of staying awake all night and day and crashing at midnight tonight. Doesn't work usually unless I motivate myself to be overly active during the day and get myself to the point of passing out then I end up sick in no time, lol. I could just do my good ol vicodin that seems to help 75% of the time but the other 25% takes the back pain I have away and keeps me up more so, lost cause, so hard. I just kinda except it but it still makes me feel like shit that I have no one to talk to :( and during the day im half out of it or it cuases more anxiety in me and irritablity, sucks when having to take care of my son who has theropists in and out every day for his pdd and autism and sucks even more when I have to go to the doctor or for medical testing. double edge sword whoa.. blah. I just wish I could meet people and talk with ppl who share more of the same experiences and know what im going threw at night and don't have to sound like an ass for waking ppl up or what not. So the search continues but I stay possitive until my sleep gets rectifed which undoubtible will struggle with like I have been cuz I have been this way since I was a child bah or I get sick and then I can finally sleep.. I need lots of luck :)