Questioning my faith

[megancalista]

I was raised in a church. I remember going when I was like 3 yrs old! Never was there a day when my mom didn't pray with me before bed. We sat at the table at dinner and prayed over our food. My grandpa was a preacher and now his son, my uncle, has taken over his ministry. I have all the stories imbedded into my mind and I know them by heart. I teach my children these stories as well and we pray at night too. I was also taught never to question God. That Jesus is his son and that He performed wonderful miracles in His life here on earth. I was told that if I denied Christ as God son, I would go to hell. As a child, this terrified me!!!! I wondered if it was true, turning water to wine or raising the dead, but I never spoke those words aloud, until last night! I somehow got the courage to say it aloud to my husband. "What if it wasn't all true? What if it was just some story someone embellished to make it all seem glamorous?" He looked at me like I was crazy and I don't blame him. I sounded crazy to myself, but it felt so good to wonder aloud. I called my mom and explained to her what I was feeling. I still fully believe in God. I cannot question His exsistence. I have felt Him and seen first hand His work. I do however wonder how much of the stories of His son are true and how much is fabricated or fluffled up to make him seem more miraculous than he was. I sound horrible for feeling this way, I know. I'm so angry at myself or this, but, aas I told my mom, all my life I have FOLLOWED my family BLINDLY down the path of christianity! I feel as if I have been following a flock of sheep who was following the sheperd and I was wearing a blindfold, hoping they wouldn't lead me into a tree. That's where I was doing wrong. In your Christian walk, you should never FOLLOW someone. You should be leading your own walk. I never did that. I only did what they told me I SHOULD do. I am getting some advice from a family member who knows the bible VERY well. I guess I don't know what I need yet and am still searching for answers, but I am very confident I will find them. I have not lost my faith, just questioning it. I need to learn and grow in the Lord. I guess, now that I think on it, I never really did that. It was something I was born into and never got to come to on my own terms. Wish me luck ladies, it will be a long journey. =)

[katemama05]

Jul. 30, 2008 at 1:45 PM

You know, I think that if we're honest, every Christian has though about that. I know I have. I was raised with both my parents being ministers, did JBQ, all that stuff, and when I was older I was like, hmm...I still have moments when I think about that, but, and this may not be good, but it's how I feel, at the end of the day, when I'm having my quiet time with God and am sitting in His presence, I'm not really thinking about that stuff anyway. It's awesome and I'm glad it happened, but I'm focusing my thoughts on my relationship with Him, which comes from what He's done in me and my son, not the dudes in the boat during the storm, you know what I mean?? I don't know...As for if it happened or if it's just a "publicity" thing, I sometimes think it's a little of both. But I'm still following Him, whether it's pretend or not. Just stay strong in your times with Him, and it'll all work out. :)

[4time-mom]

Jul. 30, 2008 at 2:40 PM

Wow, are we the same person?! LOL I've been wondering things like that for...too long. Haven't voiced anything out loud, just in my own mind. I don't have anyone I can actually talk to either about what I'm wondering...not to mention my hubby's a deacon in our church. Yikes. I've just been through so much bad stuff in my life, I've even done the whole "If there really is a God, why's all this bad stuff happening to me?" Best wishes on your personal walk, I'm sadly not ready to figure out my own!00

[Anouck]

Jul. 30, 2008 at 2:44 PM

I think it's only natural for any person to question these things at some point in their lives. And it definitely leads different people in different directions. Good luck on your journey, I'm sure you'll figure out the way that works best for you!

[shortandsassy03]

Aug. 28, 2008 at 3:15 PM

good luck on your journey. i can't exactly say that i have been with the church all my life but my grandmother was a strong true christian and i have  read some of the bible and i have heard so many different stories with different religions and i have very strong thoughts about it and i can honestly say that i think the reason for what i think has to do with me not fully understanding any of it. i believe in god don't get me wrong but i just don't understand a lot of it and i don't think too many others truely understand either.. like you said we all shouldn't be following everyone else and i totally believe and agree with that. my main question is if god created everyone and everything who created god. i have once asked someone who is a true christian and she could not answer this and she had questioned it herself after i asked her that. so i guess what i am saying i think we all are wanting answers and we all have questions even if we do not speak them out loud. you are not alone in this. i have tried my best to teach max what i know but that is why i have sent him to bible school so he can learn what i can not teach him. he and i also pray every night like my mother used to do with me. and i think that is the best thing you can do. i think it is great you are doing the same with your children.