Parenting for Dummies?

[luvmyboys2]

Do you believe there is such a book or course or something?  I ask this because Im obviously failing as a parent.  Im so unsure of how to get my oldest DS motivated to do anything!!!  Now Im afraid Im going to screw it up for the younger 2.  My heart is breaking because I honestly feel like Im doing something wrong.  I give my children everything they need & when it can be afforded, things they want.  No, they're not spoiled.  They dont get anything they want when they want it & they (my oldest at least) has to do something to earn it.  But apparently thats not good enough for him.  And due to my in-laws, my children can have the best everything... education, life experiences, vacations... etc.. Im not bragging about that, but they really can have everything I couldnt.  And it seems my oldest is taking it all for granted.  This summer, with my in laws help, we signed him up for Golf lessons & Tennis lessons.  I say with their help, because its through their membership at the country club they belong to.  And before summer started, he said these were 2 sports he wanted to do.  So, as soon as was available, he started going.  After a few lessons, I had to stop going with him.  I would just drop him off.  The reason? I had a nervous breakdown at one of his lessons because all I heard was his name with: "Stop, put the racket down, hold it up, stop hitting the net, turn around, take your hat off your face" ETC.  I was so embarrassed to call him my son!  All the other people were looking at me like WTF? And Tsking.  I really didnt care TOO much about them, but I was embarrassed because their kids are there to learn & mine thinks its ok to goof off all the time, and was a big distraction to them... ANYWAY, I started sitting back in on his practices--I kept getting good reports from instructors & other parents & I told him how proud I was of him etc.  So today at tennis (there's 4 courts)  1 & 2 can be seen easily from where we sit. 3 & 4 cant be seen from where we sit due to the fence... and theres no where to sit by those courts... Well my son was on 3&4 today... I thought he did pretty well... I didnt hear his name once.... BUT this afternoon during his golf tournement (last day of golf), I ran into the Tennis director & he told me that with the way my son was behaving today (and dont get me wrong, the director was VERY nice & understanding...) that he's not going to be able to participate in the Tennis Olympics (a fun game for the last class where they get judged & get a gold, silver or bronze medal... ).  So I asked what he was talking about.  He said that he was goofing off, talking back, walking away, sitting down, saying how he hates tennis etc.  I was AGAIN, embarrassed!  I explained to him that although its no excuse for his behavior, and I apologized on behalf of my son since he was at golf, that he has an 18 mo old & 3 month old brothers.  So it could be a way for him to get attention.  So he said he understood. He's going to see if we can give Dominic a private lesson & see how that goes so that he can have fun in the Olympic games they have planned.  I just dont understand whats going on with him.  I think he thinks that if he doesnt have to go to the sports that HE wanted to do, that he can sit inside all day playing Wii, watching TV or playing on the computer.  I told him that if thats what he thinks, he is wrong.  He'll sit in a corner all day, only to be allowed to go to the bathroom, have necessary meals and go to bed & when he gets up the next day, he can do the same thing over & over for the whole summer... do you know what??? It didnt phase him!  HE DOESNT CARE!  I cant threaten to take things away... cause I do & he just knows he'll get it back... I literally took TV away for a month because he said "I dont care, I'll get it back"  So I took more stuff away... still didnt phase him.  I made him sit on his bed one day... the WHOLE day... he didnt care.  I dont know what Im doing wrong.  I feel like a failure.  And I've never failed at anything... I've always excelled at everything I've ever done/tried.... and now, I cant succeed... I dont know how to fix this... Im so upset.

Thanks for listening to this... I know its long... But I really need help.  Praising doesnt work, Yelling doesnt work, I've tried hitting (really not for me... plus it doesnt work).  Is he going to be another loser in the system when he gets older?  Isnt it sick that I think like that? *Sigh....*

[sandycheecks21]

Jul. 31, 2008 at 11:20 PM

AWWW sis!!  i'll im you in a min!!

[hazeleyes0606]

Aug. 1, 2008 at 11:24 AM

Wow, your summer went from good to worse with him. I would had thought giving him what he wants he would be happy. You need to talk to the doctor, see what he says. Tell him or her what you have done and he doesn't care what you do. Maybe if you say you are taking something away from him, give it to someone who deserves it, someone who would be grateful to have it. I don't know how often he uses the Wii, but maybe you should take it and box it up and well give it to someone in the family to hold on to it until he ack's better. Tell him you are getting rid of it b/c he doesn't want to listen. All I can say is I am truly sorry for you. How are the other two doing?