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Thursday the 31th at 11:25. I signed my name
- Jul 31, 2008 at 11:43 PM
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- Comments (22) Total Views (577) Everyone can see this journal post.
At 10 57 am on tues, I had a perfect 7 pound 14 oz 20 inch baby girl.. With bright eyes.I spent every single minute w her. when the last night came around the corner I cried every time i looked at the clock. and i wished i could just freeze time.. I told her " I will spend the next 13 hrs w you and not let u leave my side".. I kept my word. and as time went on our time together got shorter and shorter. Til I noticed I had 2 hrs w her....! I Begin to clean her up, get her dressed I changed her diaper... Then It was 10 45.. The Lawyer called and the witness came in and the adoptive family was in the waiting room.... Everything started to happen. I began
to feel the pain, and then It was the last sheet of paper.. The lawyer said, Is this what u want. Once u sign this paper There is no turning back. I told her yes, and I got sick to my stomach.. I could not breath! I looked down and my daughter who was in my right arm. And I told her I loved her and kiss her little head. then i signed the paper...
After i signed, Everybody left me alone w her, I asked them to get the car seat for me so i could put her in it.. The witness got it and left me alone w her.! I fed her our last feeding together! Got her brand new outfit on her! I told the nurse to tell the family they could come in.! I got her in the car seat! She still sound asleep.. =)
The family, came in and i broke down, and feel to my knees...!! The mother, got on her knees' and held me and cried w me...! I stood up and looked at my daughter once more, so warm and cuddly in her little carseat... I stood back, and told them to leave... They asked me, If i was ok. I said PLease leave, and i watched them walk out with my daughter in there hands.. then she was gone..!!
When it was my turn to leave, I had everything. But my daughter..! I felt empty. She was not in my body anymore, or in my arms.!
My father was waiting for me, and i walked to the truck. and my daughter came running out. and then i noticed that my pain had gone away!!
This adoption has been a blessing for me, and it has really opened my eyes.!!!!
Comments:
oh sweetie. i am just crying here as I read about your past few days. You are an amazing woman. If you need to talk, I'm here. You know I've been there. Hugs, Laura
:) well that brought back some memories! If you ever need to talk about anything you know where to find me!! Your amazing chicka!!
God bless you girl....you are stronger than i could ever even imagine being. You are amazing. Your children are very lucky to have such a strong woman as their birth mother
(((((HUGS))))) You gave a wonderful gift to that family.God is with you,have peace with your decision,it was the right one for you.
oh sweetheart, what a wonderful gift you gave that family. I'm crying right now thinking about how hard that had to be for you. I'm glad in heart you know you made the right choice for your daughter.
I don't know what to say, so I will just give you this
I am honestly crying with you.. I am on the other side of the story, the mom who got the baby.. Thank you for what you did for that family,, You have to know that their hearts ache for you and joy for the blessing you gave them.. My DD birthmom is always in my heart and thoughts. As you will be in theirs. You are a the true meaning of superwoman..
what you did was so wonderful,,i dont think i would have been that strong,,,big hug to you
i cryed as i read your post and i think you are so trueley amazing!!!! i dont know what else to say i think amazing explains it all!! she is a beautiful angel that will light up their lifes.these peoples hopes and dreams came true because of you!!!
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i can't imagine what you must have went through but you are a strong woman for giving your baby a good life. what a wonderful person you are!
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