Potty Stop

[LadyRiderHP]

 Potty Stop
 
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
                     By Shannon Popkin
 
 
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker.  He loves to communicate
 and does it quite well.  He talks to people constantly, whether we're 
  
in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.  People 
  
often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. 
  
And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume.  It's always
fully 
  
cranked.  There've been several embarrassing times that I've
wished 
  
the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible 
  
voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
 
 
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with 

me into the restroom.  If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom

  
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second 
  
to the last stall: 
  
 
'Mommy, are you gonna go potty?  Oh! Why are you putting toiwet 
  
paper on the potty, Mommy?  Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper 
  
now?  Mommy, what are you doing?  Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies 
  
on the potty?' 
  
 
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been 
  
in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5?  
  
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut
out 
  
of this stall and reveal my identity.
 
Cade continued, 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?  Oh, 
  
dats a good girl, Mommy!  Are you gonna get some candy for going 
  
stinkies on the potty?  Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!  Oh... Mommy!  
  
I'm trying to see in dere.  Oh!  I see dem.  Dat is a very good girl,
 Mommy.  
  
You are gonna get some candy!' 
  
 
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
 me.  
  
Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief.  This 
  
was really getting embarrassing.  I was definitely waiting a long time
 before 
  
exiting.
 
Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's
purse and 
  
see if you can find some candy we'll both have some!'  'No,
I'm trying
 to 
  
see doze more stinkies.  Oh! Mommy!'  He started to gag at this point.

  
'Uh oh, Mommy.  I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are

  
making me frow up!!  Dat is so gross!!' 
  
 
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.  
  
I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.  I began 
  
to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.  If I count
 four 
  
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this 
  
embarrassing monologue will be long gone. 
  
'Mommy!  Would you get off the potty, now?  I want you to be done 
  
going stinkies! Get up! Get up!'  He grunted as he tried to pull me
off.
 
  
Now I could hear full-blown laughter.  I bent down to count the feet 
  
outside my door. 
  
 
'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? 
  
What were you wooking at, Mommy?  You wooking at the wady's feet?'

  
More laughter.  I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the 
  
situation. 
  
 
'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now.  We have to go out now, 
  
Mommy.' 
  
 
He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash 
  
your hands?  I want to go out!!'
 
I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling.  I
sheepishly opened 
  
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies 
  
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud..  My
 first 
  
thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the 
  
fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every
bit of
 
  
my dignity and privacy?'  But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky
 grin 
  
while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought,
 I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little
 fellow.
  
 
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three.  
  
She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she  no longer uses public restrooms)
 

 
'Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
 It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections'

Tags: babies, biker, boys, crude, embarrassed, funny, girls, harley, humor, infants, kids, moms, potty training, restroom, toddlers

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