This morning Kenny's cousin lost her son.  He was just over a year old.  When he was born with a cleft pallatte and other problems the doctors gave him 3 months to live.  His father either couldn't handle it or is just an ass and ditched them.  He spent his life in and out of the hospital having seizures and hooked up to tubes and machines that fed him and helped him breathe.  When I heard the news I just started crying and cuddled my new little boy closer.  Every day I remember how lucky I am that I have two beautiful, healthy babies and a loving husband who is the bset father I could ask for them.

I just wonder why death seems to surround my pregnancies.  Just before I got pregnant with Talena Kenny's uncle died.  Two weeks after she was born a friend who had just found out he was having a son passed.  His little boy was born 4 months and 4 days later and will grow up only knowing his father through pictures and stories.  Two weeks after that, my grandfather lost his battle with cancer.  I couldn't even cry at his funeral after having been at my friend's.  While I was pregnant with Kaibyn my grandmother joined her husband and a friend's cousin was murdered.  Now Nathaniel.  That's three deaths per pregnancy.

We were going to visit the family today because his cousin lives out in California but they came out last week to visit.  Kenny's over there now, but it just wouldn't be right for me to bring Kaibyn over yet.  It will be hard enough for them to see him at the wake and the funeral.  I think something must have stepped in and decided that now, while they were home with their family, was the right time to take him.  I can't imagine how much harder it would have been for her to lose him thousands of miles away from everyone.  At least here she is surrounded by love.  Last weekend the family all got together so we have a few pictures of Talena and Nathaniel with their other cousin Dylan.  It's weird becauseI'm so heartbroken for his mother and the whole family, but I'm still on the high from having Kaibyn just a week ago.  The complexities of the human heart are really amazing.

R.I.P Nathaniel, I know your uncle is holding you now and there is no more pain in your world.

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