Balancing Two Different Kids

[happy2bmom0406]

My son and daughter are two COMPLETLEY different kids!  They have very different needs.  I am so afraid these days that I am going to damage one while trying to help the other. 

Will my son suffer because my daughter is the "normal" one OR will my daughter suffer because my son is the "special" one.

Will my son resent me because I don't have to instruct my daughter and give her medicine and supplements all day OR will my daughter resent me when she notices all of the time and care that I spend on treatments to "recover" my son.

Will my son feel stupid because he is not talking like kids his age OR will my daughter feel unimportant because we do not "erupt with cheers" every time she uses a word.

Will my son feel inadequate being in special ed OR will my daughter feel "average" being in regular school.

Will my son feel annoyed at all of the appointments and evaluations OR will my daughter feel as she is not as important being a "normal" girl.

Will my son stress through every day challenges OR will my daughter feel like no one is watching her acheive every day things.

Will my son feel inadequate when he struggles with things around the house OR will my daugher feel used when she has to "pick up his slack" around the house.

Will my son fall deeper inside himself in the depths of Autism OR will my daughter seek attention outside of the home to make up for the attention she sees her brother getting.

Will my son be an emotional mess because we try to shield him from any stress OR will my daughter be a bitter person because we expect her to be okay emotionally.

I want to protect them both but at the same time I know that I need to teach them to be good and constructive people.  I guess today I feel like my boy's condition is taking away from my beautiful girl.  I don't want to stop fighting for my son but I have to learn the balance.  I want them both to feel important,  I want them both to feel equally loved! 

*UPDATE*

I actually read a book that made me feel so much better!!  "Overcoming Autism" by Lynn Kern Koegel, PhD and Claire LaZebnik.  In the "Family Life" chapter it states that siblings are one of the most important types of "therapy" for kids with Autism.  Also a HUGE percentage of siblings of special needs kids go into the field of Special Education because they are compassionate and respectful.  It usually has the opposite effect, they never become bullies or take things for granted.  I am learning a lot of ways to make our family work together and make us closer.  I feel much better!!  My daughter is WONDERFUL with my son!!  She never lets him "stim" because she is always in his face, wanting to play.  He is WONDERFUL with her too!  I guess I panicked at the word Autism.  It is very overwhelming!!!

[SantaMom]

Aug. 11, 2008 at 1:32 PM

If you can actually see all this going on, why do you think you'll let either feel shortchanged???  I think you'll all be fine!

[browneyesintx]

Oct. 29, 2008 at 1:53 PM

It is hard! I have a 13 year old daughter and an almost 7 year old son.  He is autistic. He is high functioning but still is quite a handful. I know it is hard on my daughter some days but it has taught her true compassion and understanding.  Just do the best you can!