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The Man I Never Knew....
- Aug 5, 2008 at 1:37 PM
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On July 18, 1976, I was born to Debra and Erick Christiansen. When I was around three years old, my parents got divorced. However, for years, my mom kept this from me...thinking that she was doing what was best for me. And, from what I have discovered over the years...she was.
But, what my mom didn't realize was that I had already known since I was 4-5 that I had a different father. That did not change the fact that Sam was the only father I ever knew. He was my Dad. But, I still had a need to find my biological father. When I was 18, I also found out that my mom was adopted. Every bit of medical history I thought I had... turned out to not even relate to me. To make things more complicated, my mom has suffered for over 20 years with a dibilitating disease that could effect me hereditarily. Faced with a need to know where I came from, and who my blood lines derived from, I began to search for my birth father.
For over ten years I searched for the man I never knew...my biological father. Everytime I thought I had a lead, the address or phone number led to more disappointment. I can't even count the number of letters that were returned as a wrong address, or the phone numbers I called that lead nowhere. But, in 2004, all of that changed. Working for a law office had some perks. One of those was knowing so many investigators. When the investigator gave me the latest information, with a phone number that she was certain was the best lead I had gotten in years, I was scared to call. After ten years, I was afraid to go through the heartache of just one more wrong number. But, I made the call anyway. To my surprise, the phone number not only worked, but lead me to a friend of my birth father's. I couldn't believe it....I had finally found him! Now what?
This friend promised to get the message to him that I was trying to find him. And, from there, the option was left in his hands to call me. I couldn't wait to find out what his voice souned like, and what he looked like. I needed to know more to my family history. I was happy, scared, and nervous all at the same time. And, because my life has left me with so many disappointments, and reasons not to trust people, I was unsure that this could be real.
The day the phone rang, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I had waited for over an hour for the call to come in. But, when the phone finally rang, I didn't know what to say. For those that know me well, you know that I never run out of things to say...lol. But, at that moment, I was speechless...especially after I said hello....and he answered with, "Rachelle Louise"? At that moment, I knew that this was the man I had been searching for!
We talked for over an hour, before I had to let him go. He promised to call me back again soon. Yet, everytime he did, I wasn't home to get the call. More disappointment followed when I didn't hear from him for many months, only to find out he had gone back to prison. We wrote letters for over a year, and I even tried to convince him to let me come visit him. But, he said he didn't want me to have that memory of him, as the first time we met. So, I abided by his wishes and waited for him to get out. When he finally got out, we talked on the phone every so often. He had to call me, because he didn't have a phone number of his own, and always had to call from wherever he was at the time.
I remember the last call I got from him, more than any other. It was New Years Day 2007. I was at the store, and had just gotten all of my boys to help me get a shopping basket. When the phone rang, my boys tried to take off in different directions. So, I asked him if he could call me back in about an hour, or I would try to call him at that phone number. I really had no idea that I would never hear from him again. I tried the number with no luck that next day. A week went by, and it was his birthday on January 9th. I called, and finally got ahold of his friend whose phone he had used to call me. But, unfortunately, this was no longer a number to reach him at. His friend said he would relay the message to him if and when he saw him. Over a year went by, and by then, I had given into the fact that he must have given up on trying to contact me. I was angry, and hurt, and put that wall right back up around myself that I had for so many years.
Yesterday, August 4, 2008, while I was looking up information for fun...I got the devistating news. I decided to Google his name, and see what I could find. But, I never expected this....
Erick Blair Christiansen, 51, Pheonix, died 1/17/07. If there is any information please contact La Paz at ***-***-****....
My heart sank once again...and I couldn't believe the words I was reading. I called the phone number in the obituary, and a gentleman answered the phone. Come to find out it was the funeral home. They put the ad in the paper hoping to find family to claim his body. My father died, and no one even came to give him a proper funeral. He was buried all alone...without any family...without any friends...all alone. Now over a year later, I finally know why he never called me back....how could he?
Today, I am left to mourn the man I never knew....
Comments:
I can understand this story on many levels. As an adoptive mother I understand your want to met the birth father you never knew. As the sister of a woman who had a birth father in the same situation as yours I understand the lost feeling you have as my sister had the same feelings over her father being in and out of prison and then his dying without having anyone there for him.....Life deals us some unpleasant cards sometimes. No one can tell you how to deal with any of this because grief is so different for each person. All I can offer is my prayers. Im sorry you hurt.
Gosh was devastating news. my heart breaks for you and the relationship you never got to have,
My heart is breaking for you. Is he your brothers father too? It make me miss my Daddy even more. He died in 1988. Girl, can you be kicked one more time to keep you down?
On a lighter note go hug those beautiful boys and puppies. I love you. PM if you need to talk. . .
Pam
I am so sorry you are hurting right now. I know it is hard to see the positive but at least he knew that you missed him after all those years and I am sure he took comfort in knowing that you still loved him after not knowing him for so long. You are in my Prayers!
I am so sorry!! Your walking in the shoes that I hope my boys never walk in. I am afraid they will one day. I am crying for you and sending you a hug from Texas.
No matter what he did wrong in his life or w/e, he should have not been alone. My heart breaks.
I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you and the boys? Just had you on my mind, hope all is getting easier for you. 
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O my.I am so sorry.You were never even think that would have been the case.
- Barb10
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