On a Bus

A tall, strong-looking 30 yr old man will be sitting, intently staring out the window so that people will think he just doesn't SEE the stooped, 70 yr old woman struggling to hold her balance because she's standing in the aisle due to lack of seats.

Saying "There are plenty of OTHER seats" when someone asks to sit next to you.  If you can't stand to be in close proximity with other human beings, then maybe public transportation isn't for you.

Sitting next to me, jerking your head toward the people a row or two back, and saying loudly, "Think they're going to be gabbing like that the whole ride?  There goes naptime!" as if I automatically agree with you that those people have no right to have a conversation on the bus during your "nap time."

Sitting in the "reserved for the handicapped and elderly" seats, and not thinking to get out of them when a handicapped or elderly person is looking for a seat.

Guys who I sit next to regularly and whose company I enjoy will talk loudly about completely inappropriate subjects (genitals, strip clubs, their effing homophobia) with no regard to the fact that my future employer may be sitting in the seat in front of us.

In the Bathroom

There are 5 stalls, and only one of them is occupied.  You really HAVE to take the stall RIGHT NEXT to mine?  You really want to smell what I have to offer?  Or do you think I'm interested in hearing the squelchy sounds your butt's about to make? 

People brush their teeth in the public bathroom.  This one SHOULDN'T annoy me, because it's a good thing to do, and I probably should, too, since it's the only way to get in your "three-a-day" during the workweek, but it bugs me, anyway.

It's ok to say "Hi" to me when we're at the sink.  You don't HAVE to try so hard to act like there's no one else in the room.

Power pee-ers--Those women that are in, evacuated, freshened up, and out in under 20 seconds.

Talking on your cell while in the bathroom.  Really...you think THEY want to hear the squelchy sounds MY butt's about to make?  I have half a mind to start yelling "Oh GOD, YES, that's good!"

At the Supermarket

First and foremost on EVERYONE'S list:  Using your cart and your ass to ensure that NO ONE can get past you in the canned goods aisle.

Letting your kids use the shopping cart as a toy, and not stopping them when they nearly flatten MY kid with it.

Getting up to the register, with 3 people in line behind you, and saying "Oh, damn, I forgot the milk!  Be right back!" and running off.   Bonus annoyance points if you leave your baby in the cart while you run back.  (Yeah.  I'm still on about that.)

Arguing with the cashier, making her call over a manager, and acting like a grade-A bitch because YOU forgot to give her your "One dollar off" coupon before the transaction was complete, and you MUST HAVE your freaking dollar.  I'll give you a fucking dollar to go away.  DAMN, I wish I'd thought of that at the time.

Treating the cashier like she's any less of a person than you.  Judging by the way she manages to deal with you without slapping you across your deluded face, I'd say she's MORE of one.

Getting in the "Ten items or less" lane with a cart full of items, because you KNOW the cashier won't say anything about it.

At Work

People don't look over their work, and then expect me to make sense of what the HELL they were trying to do.

"Jess, I can't figure out this handwriting.  Should this be a hyphen, or an underscore?"  CONTEXT, woman.  Would an underscore make ANY fucking sense, there?

When I hand your job back, please don't say "Was it bad?"  If it was, and I say so, it'll just hurt your feelings.  Open the document, and you'll see for yourself how bad it was.

If you're going to openly talk smack about a coworker within earshot of her, PLEASE take it to someone else.  I refuse to get wrapped up in your office drama, and I don't need you making it look like I share your prejudices.

Ok, just had to get that out.  Generally speaking, I'm a very positive person, and I really do look for the good in people, but every now and then, I've just got to let the negative out.  Better here than to their faces.

Tags: vent, annoyed, squelchy butt sounds

Add A Comment