NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman

in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was

reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his

mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily

those of his parents

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle

the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy

can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels

and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an

elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking

 up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a 'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report

'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?

'Yes, that's right,' I told her.

 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie

my shoe?'

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a

little boy staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.

 'It sure is,' I replied.

 Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I

used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly

intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers

and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in

a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely

turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad

donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

 'And why not, darling?'

 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. '

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the

intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his

5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and

cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous

dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be

unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes

SCHOOL

 A little girl had

just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to

her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered

through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

 'What have you got there, dear?'

 With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's

underwear!'

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