trying not to lose it!!!!1

[crissi]

My husband has been gone all summer..I have been doing alot of thinking and have finally come to a conclusion...Im not happy..I havent been for a long time...I have told him this,and he understands to a point...He says he's not going to pressure me into anything,but everytime I turn around he's sending me emails and texts from another country...I cant take the pressure anymore and I feel like Im losing my mind...I know what I want,I just dont know how to go about it....I dont understand how I got to this point,I dont understand how this happened...I just didnt get married to end up here...I want a civorce,he said at first he wanted one to,now he says he's going to get help for his issues,and his anger problem...While I think thats great because he needs it to deal with the kids,I dont want to hear about his problems anymore...I want,I need to worry about my own things,but he's making that hard to do...I dont want to be in the same room with him anymore let alone the same house...Im so angery and hurt I dont know my head from a hole in the ground....I dont want to be alone but Im not afraid to be alone...I want someone who will respect me and appreicate what I do on a daily basis....Im trying to be strong for my kids as they have no idea what is going on...I love my kids more than anything in this world and I dont want to hurt them,I know this is going to hurt them,but how can I be a good mother if Im not happy???...How can I be good to anyone if Im not happy???....I feel like a loser,and a failure....I should have left years ago,I didnt have the guts...Now I do and I dont know what comes next....Im so lonely most of the time and I really dont have anyone to talk to...I will lose some pretty good friends through this.....Again I will be alone..My feelings are all over the place and I cant sort them out,I dont know where to beging...My life has become a huge mess,and I dont know how to start cleaning it up...I feel like Im losing my mind....

[onlycathyo]

Aug. 8, 2008 at 8:40 AM

My life was really crazy up until almost a year ago.  at that point, I went o a weekend seminar called The Landmark Forum.  I was at such a crossroads, living w/out integrity, not happy, ashamed, and so forth.  The weekend transformed my life!  check out www.landmarkeducation.com and see if there is a forum coming up near you.  I'd be happy to answer any quesitons.  It was a life saver, a marriage saver, a faith saver for me.  Lost some 'friends' in the process of restoring my integrity, but I now live a life I love, and folloiwng God's will.  (that's just me, it isn't religious).