Life or Death decison

[lamamadlucas]

i'm scared and i'm ashamed and i'm angry at myself.  I've neglected my health ever since the baby was born; i'm sixty ss heavier than before i got pregnant i haven't checked my glucose levels in who knows how long(i'ma  type two diabetic) and my anemia ia acting up again.  It's like i'm scared to live i mean there is no other excuse.  On top of that i'm settled into this dead end job, and not making any moves to go back to school.  I guess i need inspiration and i know lucas should be it but it's not.  I know i need to do this for me but I don't, i'm angry at myself adn i guess scared to change.  It's probably about control and fear of what will happen once i let go of of my baggage but i just don't  want to think about it and i fear dying from all this.  I'm scared and alone mikey is of the we need to loose weight variety but brings home a dozen cheese danishes from Bj's it's hard....

I know that being healthy is a choice and i'm choosing to do so because from here it's life or death, and i can't even imagine leaving my baby alone in this world.

I'm going to change i'm willing myself to do so, hopefully that will be enough.

 

[TheJuniper]

Aug. 10, 2008 at 9:12 PM

You should talk to your doctor about your emotional distress right now. It sounds like you have some mild depression, which is a normal occurance after having a baby. The best thing you could do for yourself is suck it up and force yourself to do something constructive. Once you get started, it's easier to keep things going.

[lamamadlucas]

Aug. 13, 2008 at 8:01 PM

Not depressed, but thanks for the comment!

(Original Poster)