I finally got the info on my disability claim for my maternity leave.  They only pay out for 6 weeks after a vaginal delivery.  I started crying as soon as I hung up the phone.  I don't want to go back to work when my baby is only 6 weeks old again.  I want to stay home with my kids and take care of them myself.  My daughter used to cry when I left for work on the morning, I don't want to do that to her again.  Kenny says we'll figure something out so I can stay home longer, but I don't know how we'll do it.  We have to move soon and we'll be paying a whole lot more than $250 a month for rent when we do.  His checks will cover the rent and a little of the bills, but we need more income than just what he makes.  I guess the first step will be for me to go back part time and see how that works out.  I don't know how my boss will feel about that, considering my position was a full time position.  I don't really want to demote myself, but I will if it means more time at home.  At least now Kenny has insurance so I don't need to work full time for the benefits any more.  I'm just so upset right now.  I really want to stay home longer.  I'm so scared that if I go back I'll have to stop breastfeeding again because there is no place I can pump at work, not to mention no time.  I just want to give my babies what's best for them and that's having me home, but if I can't keep a roof over their heads it doesn't matter if I'm home or not.

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