Why don't you want to hold your baby?

[SalBac]

Last night I watched a young mother swinging her baby in an infant carrier. Back and forth, back and forth, the woman's arm extended unnaturally far from her body in order to allow the carrier to swing freely without bludgeoning her legs. "He likes to be moving all the time," she volunteered. "I have to keep him swinging or he fusses."

Having watched the pair for almost 15 minutes I found the toll on the woman obvious, as she stopped frequently to stretch her back and chest and switch the precious load from one hand to the other, so I thought she might be open to another way. Yes, a better way, in my opinion.

"Have you tried holding him yourself?" She looked at me blankly. "Have you tried holding him in your arms instead of the carrier? He might be happier closer to your chest."

No, she didn't think so. And besides, she can just snap the carrier back into the car seat rather than unbuckle and buckle the baby to hold him. "Really, the carrier is so convenient," she gushed.

"More convenient than your own arms", I asked, playing along as if convenience really were the measure of a good idea. Apparently she decided that walking briskly in the opposite direction was what her baby needed right then, and as I watched her walk away I just felt sad.

Sad for all the babies who spend more time in a cushioned hunk of molded plastic than in their mother's arms. Sad for all the mothers who are simply doing what they see other mothers doing. How can they not want to hold their babies as close as they can whenever they can? How can they not want to brush their chins on their babies' downy heads... flutter their lashes on those ultra-soft cheeks... and simply breathe together?

I don't get it at all.

Personal thoughts aside, the medical community weighs in: Excerpted from St. Luke's website and other pediatric forums.

Are there problems associated with overuse of infant equipment?

• It's ok to use infant equipment. Infant equipment can be fun for your baby and useful for parents.

• However, infants develop in response to their experiences and their environment. Recent research showed that infants who spent lots of time in equipment were actually slower to meet their developmental milestones than babies who spent less time in equipment.

• The shape of a baby's head can change in response to pressure from the back of the car seat, bouncer seat or swing. A study of infants who spent a total time of more than four hours a day in their car seat/carrier, bouncer or swing found they developed flat spots on the back or sides of their skulls that changed their head shape. Positional plagiocephaly is the medical term used to describe this asymmetrical head shape.

• Researchers found that babies whose parents reported using infant equipment for a total of one hour a day or less had fewer of these problems.

[MommyDumDum]

Aug. 12, 2008 at 5:30 PM

I depended on a carrier for a while to get housework and other tasks done. I also used a bouncy seat. However, I took every possible opportunity I had to hold my daughter close. We mommies need to bond with our babies! Good post.

[ivansmom07]

Aug. 12, 2008 at 5:36 PM

It makes me so sad to see babies with flat head due to the overuse of infant equipment.  I have a stroller that I use with my son now, but when he was an infant: I used my sling and/or arms.  I just loved the closeness!

[ninevah]

Aug. 12, 2008 at 9:09 PM

My niece had to wear a helmet for several months to re-shape her flat head.  She was parked in a car seat/carrier almost all the time, poor thing.  She was very late to walk, and I suspect it was at least in part because once she grew out of the carrier she was stuck in a stroller almost all the time.  Even at home!  Thanks for posting this.

[cdbf]

Aug. 12, 2008 at 10:33 PM

Ah...I only have my one baby and I still love to hold her as much as I can. Your post made me sad. I feel so much for all the babies out there. As an "older" mom, I can see how I might have done things differently back then... and am so glad I waited.

[KissieBaby3]

Jan. 8, 2009 at 4:05 PM

Sad....but more and more moms these days just un-snap the car seat, attach it to their arm and away they go, swinging their babies into throw up town!  I LOVE to hold my new little ones.  After all, it doesn't last long.  They grow so quickly and those tiny, precious moments are gone forever and are just memories.

In just a few weeks I'll have my 4th baby.  I cannot wait to hold him in my arms.  To feel him squirming against my chest, to hold  him closely, bond with him and let him know just how much I love him.  The only time my little man will be in his car seat in in the car!  Even while at Restaurants I hold my babies while I eat.  Either that or daddy takes a turn!