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Having to let go...............
- Aug 13, 2008 at 6:06 AM
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- Comments (3) Total Views (216) Everyone can see this journal post.
I have been so torn with a decision that dh and I have finally came to. I have wanted to homeschool our children (and did so last year for PreK) or send them to private school. Dh has wanted to either send them to private school or public school, but he prefered private. We would be able to send our oldest this year but in 2 years when her sister is ready to start school we may not be able to afford to have two in private school. Dh and I both moved from school to school when we were younger and agree that we do not want to move them around. Therefore we would have to suck it up and put them in public school or me homeschool. I enjoyed homeschooling last year and have been excited to get this year started but numerous things have gotten in our way and prevented us from starting yet (all were God I know...lol). Dh had agreed to "let me" homeschool for kindergarten, and then send her to public school for 1st grade. The last few weeks though he has been concerned with the cost that it looks like homeschooling is going to cost us. Even with this expense though he agreed to go ahead and continue as planned (homeschool). We have joined the HSLDA and both local and state homeschool groups (both have membership cost), and ordered 1/4 of our curriculum already. Then out of the blue yesterday after my bible study I felt a strong urge to bring it back up to dh and discuss it more. I know......I should have let well enough alone :). When I brought it up to him after he came home from work he started to grin really big and said that he was so relieved that I finally was coming around. He was willing to let me have my way, but secretly he wanted her to go to public school. He said he had no fear of my ability to teach her but he was afraid that either she or I would decide to send her to school later on and then she would be put in the same place he was in trying to fit in. We all know how cruel kids can be! After much discussion and much prayer the decision has been made to go today and register her in school.
I have been so nervous that I have not been able to sleep, and I know this is only making matters worse.The good thing is that I know her teachers, and all of the staff at the school well. I had the privilege of working for our local school district until May of 2007 when I was finally able to come home to be a full time work from home mom. I know that I will be able to be with her at school a good bit, and this does make me feel better. I plan on volunteering at the school and possibly substitute teaching some as well. Also this will give my youngest daughter and I some much needed mommy and me time! I do believe this is the most nervous I have ever been about anything before. I know that it is God's will though and we will make it through because "I can do all things through Christ". I feel even more reassured that this is God's will because of an article that I came across this morning during my devotion. This is a link to the article http://www.hutchcraft.com/A-Word-With-You/Your-Relationships/How-to-Save-Your-Child-5009 . Please read this wonderful article!
Just a quick background note to help you to possibly understand why this is so difficult for me to "let go" of my baby. Dh and I tried for almost 4 years to become pregnant, and it was a long hard road! After almost 2 years of fertility treatments we finally were blessed and became pregnant. In July 2003 my precious miracle baby was born, and that was the happiest day of my life!! Then came the saddest day of my life in September of 2003 when I had to return to work and leave my precious baby with my mil. I was blessed to be able to have family to keep my baby and not have to put her in daycare, but that did not make the pain any better. Then in April 2005 we were blessed with another miracle baby :) Then in May 2005 I had to have back surgery and that was a trying time for us all. Then in July 2005 I again had to return to work, and it was as hard if not harder this time because not only was I leaving my 3 month old baby but my 23 month old as well, and I had not been physically able to do the things I had wanted to do with the girls during my maternity and medical leave. Then finally in May 2007 my dream came true and I was able to work from home and raise my girls, and this was the third happiest day of my life (third only to the birth of my two babies of course). I had missed so much of their little lives, and I have been determined not to miss a single moment since. So, I have been doing everything that I can in my power to keep them home with me as long as possible. I started to have the feelings that God may want me to send her to school back in the spring, but I have fought it as hard as I could. Finally I surrender!! While I am sad that my baby will not be with me 24/7 I am thankful that I will be able to take her to school, pick her up from school, go on field trips and volunteer anytime I want. My family has truly been blessed despite my strong will and stubbornness!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
Comments:
Aw Michelle, I'm crying now. HORMONES! Anyways, I will be praying for Elizabeth and of course you. I'm so proud of you for following God in this though. You will reap endless benefits from it. Love ya girl!
I too decided to homeschool this year. I have one in 6th grade and one in 3rd and I really felt led to do this .. I said .. God we aint got no money...if you want me to do this ... you have to provide! Well He did and I said well.. I am doing this .... but its not been real good so far. They are making great grades... way better than last year... they are learning on a one on one basis...but they hate it ...My youngest cries and says she dont feel good all the time ... and I know good and well that she does ... my oldest is a social butterfly and misses her friends... I am at a loss.. I dont know what to do... I will be praying for your family that everything works out !!! Many blessings!!!
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It is Wonderful to hear the Peace that God has given you in this Big decision you have had to make!! I can sympathize w/ your willingness & desire to have your miracels [yur girls] w/ you at all times, because my sister & her husband have been trying to have a baby for almost 4yrs or more now. They have just started the process of fertility treatments - she is on her 2nd round of pills. I see her pain and desire to have children almost everyday, it's really hard to watch a loved one go through such pain and disappointment! I am happy for you and your DH & I know just as you said, God is in this Completely, I can see that from the things that you have wrote & I can feel the Peace that you have Also!! It's Amazing how God Works!!!!!!!!!
- glorifyChrist
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