Oh, the insurmountable fear and worry that comes with being Mommy....

[AmeriplanMom]

Why do we mommy's worry and have such fear of everything when it comes to our children?  Ever notice that we never seem to worry much about ourselves, but can become consumed with worry over our children?  Do you ever wish you could just relax and enjoy the moment with your children? I do!!

I find myself worrying over every little detail of life when it comes to my girls.  Sometimes I become consumed with fear by these worries!  Sometimes these worries are looked at as silly by dh.  I wish that I could just relax the way dh does and enjoy every moment with my precious little blessings.  Don't get me wrong I do enjoy these moments, but I still have that little nagging thought (worry) in the back of my mind.

For example :
When they are outside playing and are swinging from the tire swing.......  Dh is having the time of his life just swinging them and marveling at how excited they are.  Me, well, I am having fun watching their smiles and hearing their squeals, but I am also wondering what if the limb falls down and they break a bone or worse it comes down on their head or what if ........
When they are outside or at the park playing.........Dh is again just playing and having fun and enjoying their smiles and squeals.  I am wondering if they can fall from the slide or swing.  I am worrying that they will fall and break something or worse.  I am worrying that another kid will knock them over and they will get hurt.  I am worrying that they will knock another kid over and hurt them.  I am worrying that they may touch a toy or swing and pick up germs.  I worry that they will put their hands in their mouth or scratch their eyes or nose and catch those nasty germs.  I worry that we will all end up with a stomach virus, cold, flu etc... from the germs.  I worry they will get sand in their eyes.  I worry they won't have fun (when has this ever happened???...never!).  I do get such joy from watching them discover new things at the park or new bugs or flowers outside though.  It is also so much fun to go down the "big slide" with them and watch their faces light up with sheer joy!
When we are in the car on the way to the zoo or even just to the grocery store or basically anytime we are in the car....... Dh is thinking about what fun they are going to have with the animals, or picking out a new snack or eating ice cream after supper, you get the point.  I am thinking about what if a car crosses the center line and hits us or what if someone runs the red light and hits us or if we get to the zoo and someone grabs one of the girls and kidnaps them.  Yet, while these worries are going through my mind I am having the time of my life with the girls and watching their faces as they see things for the first time or dream of what they will do or see or buy. 
When they are away from me with grandparents (at their home because I can not let go enough to let them go anywhere else with them)..............I worry that they will get into something that may hurt them.   I worry that they will miss me and they won't call me to come get them.  I worry that they will eat to much candy or junk food, and will have a tummy ache or come home hyper as can be.  I worry that they will learn something from their cousins that I have been working hard to teach them is wrong to do or say.  Dh in this case worries also...lol
Now for one of my biggest fears right now SCHOOL.......Dh is worried over this one as well, but no where near as much as I am!!  Dh is excited for them that they are going to make new friends and the memories they will have later in life.  I on the other hand am sick with fear!!  I worry that they will make the wrong friend, and will learn things that any kid their age should not know for another 10+ years.  I worry that they won't make any friends.  I worry that they will be made fun of.  I worry that they will become a bully and make fun of others.  I worry that they will be embarrassedfor any number of reasons ( not knowing the answer, not wearing the right thing, having an accident etc..).  I worry that I will embarrass them.  I worry that they day will come when they won't want to be seen with me and/or heaven forbid kiss me goodbye.   I worry that they will be mean, as we all know kids can be, and will embarrass another child.  I worry that I will have not taught them enough or worked with them enough on their homework and that they will feel dumb because they don't know an answer or can not solve a problem.  I worry that I will have taught them to much and that they will be board.  I worry they will not eat their lunch and will be hungry all day.  I worry that some crazy person will come in and do something to my child and other children in the school.  I worry that someone will stalk my child and kidnap them from the playground or bathroom.  I worry that another student my hurt my baby.  I worry that they will have a teacher that treats them bad or does something to them.  You get the point I basically worry about any and everything when it comes to school!  I am excited for them to make friends, and hope that some of those will become lifelong friends like the ones that I made, but those nasty fears and worries tend to overshadow that excitement in this case.
Then when it comes to the job that we have done as parents.........Dh worries that he has not been able to provide them with what they want or need.  I worry about if I have done something to suppress their personalities or scar them for life.  I worry that I have not taught them all the things that they need to know both educationally and spiritually/morally.  I worry that I have "sheltered" them to much or not enough.  I worry that they will grow up to wonder if I even had a clue.  I worry that they will grow up and not want anything to do with me.  I worry  that they will pick up on my bad habits.  I am sure that I can think of more worries, but I know you have gotten the point and then some by now...lol  Dh and I both do have confidence in ourselves as parents though and know that we are doing the best job that we can and our girls do love us (for now......lol).

 

Don't get me wrong I do have fun, and love being mommy!!  I just often wonder why we worry so much.  I was reading another article (http://www.hutchcraft.com/A-Word-With-You/Your-Relationships/One-Stone-at-a-Time-5068) this morning, and it made me think about what is important about parenting.  Basically we need to be there for our children, love them and teach them about God and what he tells us that we need to do and not do.  Also we must pray for our children and know that God loves them even more than we do, and that He is in control not us!!  No matter how much we worry and try to protect our babies God's Will, will be done not ours.  Basically, we must teach our children in the ways that they should go and let go and let God.

I know that not everyone reading this is a believer in Jesus Christ, but I do know that we all have the same worries and fears.  I hope and pray that we all will be able to relax and enjoy the precious moments that we are blessed with.  I am trying to relax more and put the worries and fears at bay, and I hope you can do the same.  If you have any advice for me or other moms like me, please do share :).

[ErinHill226]

Aug. 14, 2008 at 3:31 PM

I wish I did have advice. But I have my first daughter, and I have OCD, so no help here!!! My daughter is ten months old, and I'm already very near tears when I think about how teenage girls and their mothers get along! I was so mean to my mom as a teen. I know I must have hurt her. Even though we are very close now, and I understand that many kids are that way...I already get that twinge of sadness whenever Katie wants her Daddy instead of me to do something for her. (I was never mean to my dad, you see. And so the cycle continues). It's natural, but it's still sad dang it! I also worry constanct about her health. Yesterday, she ripped off her diaper when she had left a present inside that I didn't catch in time. I won't get into the gory details, but later than night I started envisioning "what if she had put it in her mouth, and got all those germs, and they were growing and growing until they over took her tiny little body...". She's fine, of couse, as children usually are.

I do think, however, that there is something to be said for a worry wart mom. How many times has our mother's intuition sent us flailing into the room  like a moron, only to discover that they could have just been seriously injured? Worrying isn't fun, but I think that it comes with the territory. And it helps our kids know that they are loved, no matter how much it drives everyone insane! I feel very secure to this day, even as an adult with a child of my own, knowing that my dear Mommy Lioness would surely come to my rescue if I needed her.

Of course... there is a difference between worry and smothering. But that's a whole  'nother blog!

[livewell]

Aug. 20, 2008 at 11:05 AM

I know what you mean about worry - I am getting better...but I have a very vivid imagination that supplies sound and color pictures, so it can be particularly horrifying for me.

You ask for advise. You say you believe in Jesus, so put your worry in his hands...isn't that what he is there for?

When you start to worry, say "thank you Jesus for keeping the branch strong" or "thank you God for keeping my babies safe in this scary world"

When I first had my first (there is some great English for you eh? lol) I actually got SICK with worry. I suddenly saw the world as a terrifying place of danger and germs...lol I could actually SEE them! (coo coo)