The Changes of Parenthood

[Inle_Rabbit]

I think as I grow older and my life has taken on different aspects different things speak to me that have not in the past. Parenthood is one of the most significant.. A world opened up to me and it still is. Kyle grows bigger everyday doing more things being more Kyle-ish. It's a crazy thought. A whole plain of existence unknown to me before I had my son. Yes, I knew it existed. Parenthood is all around us everyday but I didn't understand that it was a new way of being. Like finally finding out God is real or falling in love for the first time. It is one of those things that can't be undone that changes the way one views the world and its workings forever. It changes your very person to the core of who you thought you were and what you could become. It is euphoria and despair all wrapped up in one wiggly, eating, drooling, pooping package.

I have read in books as a child about one's heart and soul being outside their body. Mostly this was written in reference to the love of one's life. I love my husband, he is my soul mate. We knew one another before we knew on another. He told me he loved me on our third date. We brushed if off of course but it was true, so true. My soul and his soul are intertwined for all eternity before this life and after, I have no doubt about that but my soul and my heart are not in him. There is no need for them to be placed there. He can fend for himself and he will always return to me again and again forever.

The feeling of having a piece of my soul in another person comes from my son. He needs to have it. I need for him to have it. No matter what happens he will walk around with a piece of my life force within him forever. He is all that is good and whole in my life. He is all that will be and nothing of what was before. Small, cute, funny. I lack words to describe the feeling. The utter knowing that a piece of me is inside him is enough. A plain of existence that I had not known existed. That was an understatement. This is nirvana. This is what the world was meant to be. Love.