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Gentle Parenting Info
- Aug 14, 2008 at 8:51 PM
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- Comments (17) Total Views (1020) Everyone can see this journal post.
Do I ever think about anything other than childbirth?? Not much, LOL! But I thought I would start a collection here. Starting with: Gentle Discipline.
Immense info: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/f-36.html
And here's lots of suggestions:
Be in sync: Perhaps one of the most important principles to discipline is that parents and other caregivers be in sync with how to discipline a particular child. The child should know where the boundaries are, and the more consistent those boundaries are, the easier time your child will have staying within them. So make the rules clear, simple and consistent. Keep your children's teachers and caregivers apprised of any unusual situations at home, and get to know what's happening at daycare or at school.
Don't discipline babies: Babies cannot understand when their behavior is inappropriate or "wrong." Punishing a baby is both unfair and a lost cause. A toddler might have some understanding, but a toddler's behavior is still impulsive and totally self-centered. Always ask yourself if your child really meant to disobey, or if the child simply didn't understand the situation. Redirection can be a very effective way to guide young children. Our motto was always: Divert and conquer!
Warn them of what's coming: Try to not spring things on your children. Allow your children time to get ready before shopping or traveling. Always tell them where they're going and what's expected of them. Tell them how long the trip will last. Gently remind them again before getting there. Then, just before it's time to come home again, alert them when they have five minutes to go. Then three minutes, two, one... If you do this consistently, and are firm about leaving on time, you might find them much more responsive.
Have a routine: Having a regular schedule and routine for waking up, going to bed, eating meals, etc. can help children feel safe and comfortable, and to know what they should be doing. It's normal for them to test these rules, but if you always give in, not only will they will feel less safe -- perhaps even afraid -- they'll be motivated to test you again and again (to find out where the boundaries really are).
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Use humor: Humor is another excellent way to get children to obey. As long as they don't see your command as a game, then a funny song or funny face might swing them around. For example, you can:
 | Deliberately get things wrong or do things backward. |
| Tell funny stories of when you were young and did this activity. |
| Sing a goofy song about the activity in a goofy way. |
| Let the child help you with the activity, and in return, you get to help the child. |
| Pretend something silly about the activity. |
| Recall how the child had such a hard time with the activity as a baby, but now is so much older and more capable. |
| If it's safe to do so, allow the child to help a younger child (or perhaps a stuffed toy) with the activity. |
| Pretend to be someone else, like a favorite story or television character. |
| Turn your hand into "Hand" or "Spider" (they don't need puppet costumes, so they can come out at any time), and let the child explain the activity to Hand or Spider. |
| Whisper a favorite story, secret, loving comment, or song. |
| Have a race -- perhaps a silly race, with mistakes on your part -- to see who can finish first. |
| Emphasize how the activity will have such good and wonderful consequences. |
| Sometimes you can just laugh until finally the child starts laughing too. |
It's their job to rebel: Remember that it's a young child's job to say no (and we don't say that in jest). It might help to remember that your children are biologically motivated to become separate entities from you. Give them controlled choices and leeway whenever you can, and don't take their tantrums personally.
Take care of their needs: Make sure a child isn't being disruptive because of illness, hunger, thirst (we believe that most children don't get enough to drink during the day. See our Dehydration page for more), boredom, a dirty diaper, physical discomfort, fear, changing circumstances, a reaction to medication, vision or hearing problems, lead or chemical poisoning, or just plain weariness. Plan shopping trips for after meals/naps, if you can, and dress them appropriately. Parents who take care of a child's basic needs first will find they have a much more cooperative child.
Listen to your children, and be involved in their lives: Give your children undivided attention every day. They have a lot to say, and sometimes it's easy to just tune them out. But they'll be more cooperative if they know you listen and understand how they feel. Older children can even resolve their own problems -- with love, support and guidance from you. (This, of course, is the long-term goal -- to teach them how to solve their own problems). They'll be more comfortable doing it, however, if they know you're there.
Don't bribe them: Children can easily fall into a habit of wanting something on each shopping trip if parents allow it to happen. Make it habit instead to not buy things for your children while out. Always take a snack and drink with you so they don't get cranky from hunger or thirst, but don't bribe them with toys or other snacks. This only sets you up for the same thing the next time you go. We found that a simple "You can (desired behavior) now, or we can just go home" usually did the trick. Or, we'd say sympathetically, "Sweetie, if you're too tired to be out, we can go home and take a nap." The problem usually evaporated.
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Take care of your own needs: Parents also must take care of their own needs. Parents who are thirsty are already dehydrated -- and dehydration, hunger, or weariness will steal much of any parent's patience.
Make sure they're listening: Be creative in dealing with a toddler and preschooler. Sometimes a very young child just doesn't hear or absorb what's being said (don't believe it? Ask the child to repeat what you just said, and see the blank look that comes back). It helps to get down on the child's level and make sure you're being heard. Try singing the instruction. Try a funny instruction. Try a race. Try using a catchphrase that gets the point across. Or, just make sure they are looking at you, and listening. Have them repeat what you said.
Don't nag or argue. Make it happen: Say what you want, and expect that it gets done. If a child "won't listen," it's because the parent isn't making the behavior happen the first time the child hears the words. Someone suggested to us that it's kind of like training a dog (you have to be patient for as many times as it takes the dog to understand), and this rang true with us. Your children want to learn, but some things just take time. Your patience will help -- just make sure your tone is respectful, and that your child is actually hearing you.
Say what you mean: You can wish ("I wish you would..."), you can muse ("That behavior isn't appropriate..."), you can lecture ("Someday, when you're a parent..."), you can manipulate ("It would be really nice if someone..."), but none of these is an effective or lasting way of disciplining. Tell your child what you want, and try to be specific ("Please pick up these crayons"). Then make sure it happens.
Keep it simple and be specific: Keep your instructions simple (a child can't absorb several directions at once), help your child if the task is difficult or daunting -- and if you can, make the task fun and light-hearted. Make sure the child can actually do the task. If so, stay calm, and don't let the child off the hook - this only makes it tougher the next time. Some parents find that a silent Look-That-Means-Business does the trick. Do be specific. "Clean up your room" means little to a child. However, "hang up your clothes" and "put your toys in that box" tells your child exactly what needs to be done.
Do praise: Provide your child with positive (but not overly effusive) feedback whenever possible. Praise them not just for nice artwork and for learning their letters -- but also for behaving well (correctly, compassionately, politely, and with self-control). Don't forget to let your children know when they've taught you something. It will happen, so note it and thank them for helping you learn. See Staying in Touch for suggestions on ways to stay in touch with your children.
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Allow them to suffer the consequences: Allow your child to suffer the consequences of misbehaving (unless the consequences are liable to inflict injury). Be prepared for squawking, and don't give in. Unless you've made a major error, follow through on all promises (and threats). Sometimes, this means you might have to leave an event when you don't want to, but the long-term lesson for your children will be worth it.
That's why it's important to be careful with your words and your choice of consequences: Don't be mean. Don't use words like "you always" and "you never." Don't label the child or call the child names. Use a respectful tone, and always make sure that consequences are realistic. Don't threaten to leave your children at a store (this undermines their sense of security, and you won't be able to follow through on the threat). Additionally, your children should never think for one second that you would actually give up on them or leave them behind. Don't threaten to "never" let them do something again. And if you're divorced, please don't punish them by refusing to let them see their other parent or extended family. In our view, good discipline should teach, guide and comfort -- not punish, wound or terrify. We also recommend that your chosen discipline not inflict damage on others. We've seen parents discipline by withdrawing babysitting privileges at the last minute (this causes inconvenience and financial burden to other parents), by withdrawing working privileges (this puts employers out and damages your child's work history), by keeping the child home from school (this can prevent your child from being successful in school) or by withdrawing group activity privileges (this can jeopardize the success of a whole group). Instead, choose a consequence that is appropriate and that is limited solely to the child.
Give them choices: Give your child -- even preschoolers -- a choice, and then make sure the choice sticks. This approach works exceptionally well with toddlers and preschoolers (who are determined to decide everything for themselves, anyway). You might even allow your child to choose between two given consequences. When shopping, let them choose between two cereals, choose a yogurt for the week, and choose the oranges (and then help bag them).
Don't put up with whining: If a child is argumentative, it's generally because the parent is allowing the argument to continue. Instead, set the rule and move on. It's amazing how quickly children adapt when they realize you're serious.
Give them the words they need: It's hard for younger children to find the right words for their feelings, and the subtleties can make a huge difference (for example, between "Give me that!" and "I feel left out"). So help them articulate their emotions. This doesn't necessarily mean you'll give them what they want, but they'll be happier knowing you understand. Our three-year-old demonstrated this for us one day when we went wading in a stream. The moment her shoes got wet, she began to fuss and cry. Belatedly, we realized she was afraid she would be in trouble for getting her shoes wet. Once we apologized for forgetting her wading shoes, and we gave her permission to get her running shoes wet and muddy, she waded happily into the water.
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Allow them to be angry: It's okay -- even beneficial -- for your children to get angry and frustrated, but it isn't okay for them to hurt themselves or others. Help them expend excess energy and emotion in constructive ways (talking, dancing, stomping, playing outside, pounding play-dough, drawing, crying, making up stories or songs, playing with stuffed toys). And set a good example by expending your own anger and frustration constructively and then talking to them about it. Avoid name-calling, itemizing past wrongs, or labeling them -- and try not to overreact if your children lash out at you. Remember that anger is normal and healthy -- but it doesn't go away by magic. If your children don't learn how to be angry in a constructive way, they are likely to be angry in destructive ways.
Reinforce the behavior you want by doing it yourself: Listen to yourself communicate. If you are hearing something from your child that you don't like, ask yourself if your child is getting it from you. If you swear, lie, yell, forget to say please or thank you, only half-listen, pout, blame others, etc. -- that is the behavior your child has no choice but to learn. The best way for your children to learn good behavior is for them to watch you behave that way.
Reinforce the behavior by making it happen: Don't just tell your child how to do things next time; make it happen this time, too. If you ask your child to give you something, and it gets thrown at you, calmly give the item back to the child and have it done again properly. If you ask a question, and the answer is yelled at you, calmly tell the child to repeat the answer in a more pleasant way. The second best way for children to learn good behavior is to do it -- this time and every time.
Don't spank as a first resort: Don't use spanking (we define spanking as one or two light swats on the buttocks with an open hand) as a first resort. Research indicates that physical abuse often begins with a spanking that gets out of control. However, we know there are many ways to lovingly raise a child, and we do respect parents' right to use their own judgment. If you come up with a perfect method, please tell us and we'll tell everyone else.
Apologize when you make a mistake: Accept that you're going to occasionally lose your temper. Always make sure your child is safe (not in the bathtub or on the road, for example), and then leave the room (not the building!) for a minute until you can regain control. Don't be afraid to apologize to your child for mistakes you make.
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Tell 'em you love 'em: Safer Child highly recommends consistently telling and showing your children that they are beautiful and capable people who mean the world to you, whose company you enjoy and whose opinion you value. We believe that such ongoing affirmation of their self-worth will go a long way toward preventing discipline problems - at the toddler stage and beyond.
Be prepared for the lying: Most children go through several phases when they will lie to avoid being punished. Don't take it personally or overreact. The concepts of trust, truth, and long-term consequences are new and complex -- and must be learned over time (and in several different ways). Stay calm, discipline gently, and explain (in very simple terms) the consequences of lying.
Ask for help when you need it: When your child's behavior gets out of hand (abusive, self-destructive, dangerous, violent, withdrawn, depressive, etc.), get help. It might not be easy to get the proper help, so don't give up. Call your health-care provider, school counselor, local mental health professional, religious leader, crisis call line, family resource center or parents support group. Do involve your child in the process, and stay aware. And if you find yourself losing control, seek help. See Safer Child Tips for Prevention of Abuse in Your Home, and in a crisis situation, see the links on our Abuse and Neglect page.
Help your children calm down: We can't tell you how many times we've been out in public and seen parents stand by -- or even continue to shop -- while their small children scream and wail for an extended period. This behavior, however, doesn't teach them anything positive. Little children need help and comfort to get themselves back in control. It's okay to let them cry for a minute, but then offer a warm hug, a snack, juice, a rest break, or a favorite toy (not one you're buying). Sometimes, it's best to just go home and leave it for another day.
Make discipline a learning experience: We
do find that discipline - whatever it is - modifies behavior most effectively when it's
fair (fits the crime), fast (happens without delay), is done calmly and lovingly, and is
consistent (the same consequence for the same crime). We personally found spanking much
less effective (and much less instructive) than a brief time-out in a corner. Time-outs
gave us all time to calm down and think. We always tried to make the experience an
opportunity for learning. (See what we found most effective)
http://www.saferchild.org/tipsfor4.htm
And here's one more: http://www.bellybelly.com.au/articles/toddler/discipline-and-your-toddler
Comments:
this was a great way to help others some of us think when someone tries to tell us something we feel offended or feel like the person thinks were not a good parent. This was a nice, suttle way to get our attention. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Okay so I have a question or need some advise or something????? I loved this post. I agree and want to parent in this way. My big but is...when is a baby not a baby? I have a 1 1/2 year old who is driving me nuts. I say that loosely because what child doesn't drive a parent nuts at some point right?
So my son has become really "clingy". I don't mind it most of the time. Actually, I still take some sort of pride in him wanting me. He is starting to walk alone but does not want to let go of holding my hand. Its not that I want to force him to walk but I have never been sooooooo bored than when I have to walk around the tree for the 10th time. If I ask him to either walk or crawl and do it on his own, I get a huge fit of crying, like his heart is broken. I feel like I've been sucker-punched. I have a feeling that he has me comfortably wrapped around all his fingers!!
My question is, can I let him go and let him cry. I'm not walking away from him but just find that I need to draw the line sometimes and take a break. I feel like I'm his security blanket that gets dragged around everywhere. But I don't want to emotionally break him either.
I have began to gently tell him "no" that "mommy is eating her dinner right now" or whatever. He cries then seems to get over it, most of the time, and plays. I believe that I follow through once I've made a decision but fear that I'm not being clear enough. It is confusing trying to figure out "when" is the period that babies go towards toddlerhood and the difference between them "needing" and "wanting". He is soooo needy that I feel like I did something wrong to get to this point. It sure isn't black and white like I had imagined it would be.
Of course, we have a bunch of "parents" telling us to tell him to "deal with it" and to "buck-up". One of my friends has a 1 year old that they are putting in time out! Is this okay? Do they understand a "time out"? I am trying to figure out if he understands what we are telling him. Is he old enough.
I believe that we have good intentions on how we want to parent and the "end result" that we want. The problem comes in this sweet, little, monster outfit. Our son!!!!
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Baby Matters: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Caring for Your Baby (2nd Ed.) Baby Matters brings solid evidence that supports natural parenting practices, rebuts cry-it-out parenting and the frequent usage of various drugs and vaccinations in children, reveals incredibly common, yet seldom diagnosed food intolerance symptoms—even from foods in mom's diet—and how to treat them, and discloses the real causes of ear infections, colic, reflux, ADHD, and SIDS. The book describes exactly how breastfeeding and formula feeding can produce vastly different mental and physical health outcomes for a baby. A favorite of lactation consultants, Baby Matters is one of the most powerfully persuasive and informative "why-to" healthy parenting texts to date. www.BabyReference.com 800.537.6727 |
From a friend's doula website:
Books:
- "Magical Child" by Joseph Chilton Pearce
- "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Leidloff
- "Our Babies, Ourselves" by Dr. Meredith F. Small
- "Attachment Parenting" by Katie Allison Granju
- "The Baby Book" by William Sears, M.D.& Martha Sears, R.N.
- "Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering" by Dr. Sarah Buckley
- "After the Baby's Birth: A Complete Guide for Postpartum Women" by Robin Lim
- "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" by Gwen Gotsch, et al
- "The Ultimate Book of Breastfeeding Answers" by Dr. Jack Newman
Articles:
Other resources:
- ATLC Warmline - The ATLC WarmLine provides mentors who offer real-time, in-person phone mentoring to support parents and caregivers in effective, conscious parenting.
Websites:
- Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children
- La Leche League
- Liedloff Society for the Continuum Concept, The
- Hand in Hand Parenting, Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children
- Playful Parenting, Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D.
- Rebozo Way Project, The
- Touch the Future
- Compleat Mother Magazine, The
- Families for Natural Living
- Mother Magazine, The
- Mothering Magazine
- Naomi Aldort
- The Natural Child Project
- Natural products
- Postpartum Dads
Books for Children:
- Near Mama's Heart, by Colleen Newman
- Saturday with Mez, by Lauren Serafin, Jason Rohrer, and Mez
- All the Places to Love, by Patricia MacLachlan
- Baby on The Way, by William Sears M.D., Martha Sears, R.N., and Christie Watts Kelly
- What Baby Needs, by Sears, Sears, and Watts Kelly
- Mariana and the Merchild, a Folk Tale From Chile, by Caroline Pilcher
- A Ride on Mother's Back: A day of baby carrying around the world, by Emery & Durga Bernhard
- Maggie's Weaning, by Mary Joan Deutschbein
- Welcome With Love, by Jenni Overend
- We Like to Nurse, by Chia Martin
- Mama, Mama, by Jean Marzolla
And here are just a few more links:
www.kellymom.com this well-organized and informative site provides a treasure trove of information on breastfeeding, sleep, and other parenting topics.
Newman Breastfeeding Clinic and Institute
Dr. Sarah J. Buckley, MD Gentle Mothering
The latest Attachment Parenting research:
Diaper Free! The gentle wisdom of natural infant hygiene.
There is a widely-held belief that if we just start teaching children to write, read, and spell in preschool, they will become better writers, readers, and spellers by the time they reach the first and second grades. This is, however, not true. The truth is that children only should be taught to write, read, and spell when their neurological pathways for writing, reading, and spelling have fully formed. There are many neuropsychologists, developmental specialists, occupational therapists and teachers who are concerned that our current trend in this country of pushing “academics” in preschool and kindergarten will result in even greater increases in the number of children, particularly boys, diagnosed with attentional problems and visual processing types of learning disabilities.
In order for children to be able to sit still, pay attention, and remember abstract shapes, like letters and numbers, they first need to have developed their proprioceptive system.
In my clinical practice I see children who are being asked to sit still at a desk who can’t yet “feel” where they are in space. They have to keep their muscles and body moving all the time or sit on their feet or wrap their feet around the legs of their chair in order for their mind to locate the position of their body. They also have difficulty balancing on one foot while their eyes are closed. Their drawing of a person is more like that of a younger child, being stick-like in form and lacking hands and feet. These children are often given the label of Attention Deficit Disorder because they appear fidgety in their movements, have difficulty paying attention, and have poorly developed fine-motor skills. In addition, these same children are often labeled as having learning disabilities in visual processing (for example, dyslexia or other types of nonverbal learning disabilities). They have difficulty recalling letters, numbers, and shapes that are shown to them, and they are unable to recognize letters, numbers, and shapes that are drawn with a finger on their back. These children have difficulty remembering the orientation and direction of letters and numbers when writing, reading, or spelling. They often will confuse the letter “b” with the letter “d” and may write the number 2 or number 3 backwards and not even notice.
The proprioceptive system is strengthened by physical movements, like sweeping with a broom, pushing a wheelbarrow, carrying groceries, emptying the trash, pulling weeds, or hanging from monkey bars. When children do these types of activities they stimulate pressure receptors within their muscles, tendons, and joints, thereby allowing their minds to make a map of the location of these various pressure receptors within the body. A connection is made between the mind of children and the various parts of their physical body. In this way children develop a sense of where their body is in space (proprioception), and even if their eyes are closed, the children will be able to feel or sense the location of muscles, joints and tendons within their trunk, arms, legs, fingers, and toes. In addition, as the children move their arms, legs, hands, and feet forwards, backwards, up, down, left and right, they will start to gain a sense of the spaces around them. Now, when these children look at the shapes of letters and numbers, their eyes will follow and track the lines and curves. The memory of these movements will then imprint upon their mind. They will have the capacity to make mental pictures or images of these numbers and letters. They will easily remember the correct orientation of numbers like 2 and 3 when they are writing. There will be no more confusion between the letter “b” and the letter “d.” The correct orientation of the letter or number will be seen within the mind before it is written.
This proprioceptive system impacts other areas in children’s lives beyond being able to sit still and having a visual memory for abstract forms. It also affects their ability to fall asleep by themselves at night and to stay asleep throughout the night. When the proprioceptive system is not fully developed, children will have difficulties falling asleep at night by themselves. They will frequently wake up during the night and then need physical contact with their parents in order to fall back to sleep. Since their own proprioceptive system is not yet developed, lying next to their parent will activate their pressure receptors and allow them to feel their body, relax, and fall back to sleep. For these children, closing their eyes at night makes their body disappear because their mind has not made a connection to the pressure receptors within their muscles, tendons, and joints. This is why so many children want the light on at night when they go to bed. They need to see their body and the spaces around them since they cannot “feel” their body when in darkness.
Reading, Spelling, and Writing
Our current educational system is teaching children to read in a way that doesn’t make sense developmentally. Children in preschool and kindergarten are expected to memorize letters and words before their minds have developed the necessary pathways to identify letters, easily read words, and comprehend what they are reading. We are asking these young children to read, when the only part of their brain that is developed and available for reading words is the right hemisphere.
The right hemisphere first develops for reading, usually around four to seven years of age. This right part of the brain allows children to recognize words by sight. It enables children to focus on the first and last letters in a word and the overall length and shape of the word. It allows children to guess at words without paying much attention to spelling or matching sounds to letters (phonics). In contrast, the reading center in the left brain and the connecting bridge-like pathway between the left and the right brain don’t start developing until seven to nine years of age (girls may develop these pathways a little earlier, while some boys won’t develop these pathways until ten or 11 years of age). It is this reading center in the left brain that allows children to match sounds to letters and enables them to sound out words phonetically. Now they can remember more accurately how words are spelled.
Because the reading center in the right brain sees abstract forms like letters and numbers as pictures, it makes sense to first teach children to read by relating the shapes of letters to actual pictures that children can relate to and draw. For example, the letter “M” can be represented by two mountain peaks with a valley in between. As teachers we can tell children that the sound “M” is the first sound one hears when saying the word “mountains.” Other examples might include drawing a king out of the letter “K,” a bunny out of the letter “B,” or waves out of a “W.” What doesn’t make developmental sense is expecting children to just memorize the abstract shape of the letter “F,” or memorize phrases like “F” as in the word FOX, “B” as in the word BOY, or “C” as in the word CROCODILE. These words do not make any visual sense to the reading center in the right brain. The letter “F” doesn’t look like a FOX, the letter “B” doesn’t look like a BOY, and the letter “C” does not look like a CROCODILE.
When we push young children to read when they only have access to their right hemisphere for reading, we create learning problems for them in the future. Since children using the reading center of the right hemisphere look at the first and last letters of a word, the length of that word, and then make a guess, they will look at a word like “STAMP” and may guess that the word is “STOP” or “STUMP.” If you show them the word, “TGOEHTER” they may read the word as “TOGETHER,” but will not realize that the word is misspelled. Words like “FRIEND,” “FIND,” and “FOUND,” as well as “FILLED,” “FILED,” and “FLOOD,” will all seem the same.
It takes a lot of mental effort to read words using only sight memory. Sight memory was meant to be used for only small words. Children who are reading using only their right hemisphere often are exhausted after reading just a few paragraphs, and can only parrot back words or sentences by memory. In addition, their minds are busy deciphering each word and therefore are not free to create the pictures and actual scenes associated with the words they are reading. This limits their overall comprehension. These are the children who plagiarize or copy a text verbatim, word by word, when they are doing a report. This is because they can only recall the exact words they read and therefore can’t summarize, condense, or comprehend ideas very easily.
For all of these reasons, reading should be taught in school only after children have developed both their right and left reading centers. This will enable children to use sight memory for small words and the more efficient method of phonics for larger words. In addition, children need to have developed the “bridge” pathway that connects the two reading centers together. When children have developed this connection between the right and left cerebral hemispheres (bilateral integration), they can access both the right and left reading centers of their brain at the same time, and therefore can decide at any given moment whether to read a word by sight, if the word is short (a right hemisphere activity), or sound out the word phonetically if the word is long (a left hemisphere activity).
A physical sign that children have developed bilateral integration and can now read both by sight memory and phonics is shown by their ability to do the cross-lateral skip (swinging their opposite leg with opposite arm forward at the same time) without thinking or concentrating. This is because movements on the right side of the body are connected to the left hemisphere of the brain, while movements on the left side of the body are connected to the right side of the brain. If children can move their opposite arm and leg at the same time, then the right and left hemispheres of the brain are “talking” or connected to each other. If children can only skip using their feet or only skip extending the same arm with the same leg (the homolateral skip), they are not ready to read, since they can’t access both sides of the brain simultaneously.
Children who can simultaneously access their reading centers in the right and left hemispheres of their brain will read easily and will create visual images and pictures in their mind related to the content of what they are reading. They will be able to discuss or write about what they have read using their own words, because they can replay the scenes in their mind and don’t have to think so much about the specific words used in each sentence. Therefore, they will have an easier time understanding the meaning behind the stories and books they are reading. Learning to spell will be easier too.
Besides pushing children to read and spell before their minds are developed, we also ask them to hold a pencil and write before they are developmentally ready. I see very young children being asked to write with one hand while they still have overflow movements occurring in the fingers of the opposite hand. Before six or seven years of age, the vertical midline of the child is not fully integrated. When a child moves the fingers of one hand, the fingers on the other hand will also move, often without the child’s conscious awareness. Children should not be forced to write until this vertical midline is integrated. If we force children to hold a pencil or pen and write before they have integrated this vertical midline, they will develop a tense pencil grip, a cramped writing style, and a spatially compromised and jerky penmanship. It makes more sense first to teach children to write the small letters of the alphabet in cursive before teaching them to print these lower case letters. When doing form drawings or writing in cursive, the right and left hemispheres are both active and working together. Printing of the lower case letters is a more abstract and advanced developmental task that requires the left hemisphere, which often isn’t developed enough for this task until seven to nine years of age. Girls may be ready to do this task by age six while boys often can’t do this task until after nine years of age.
My greatest concern is that I am seeing more and more fourth, fifth, sixth, and even seventh graders from public and private schools who can’t spell easily and are still reading mostly by sight memory. They can now use their left brain to sound out words, but they approach every word they read first by using the reading center in right brain (by sight). For example, when I give these children a sentence to read like: “Six byos wnet on a vaccaiton tohgeter and tehy wnet fsihing in a bule baot,” they often do not notice any of the misspelled words. Furthermore, when I have these same children read another paragraph where every word is spelled correctly, they often tell me that both paragraphs are exactly the same or only note one or two words where the spelling is different.
My worry is that these children were pushed to read too early, when only their right brain was developed enough for reading. They compensated by learning to read everything using only sight memory. When the reading center in their left hemisphere finally developed, the habit was still to read by using the reading center of the right hemisphere. Therefore, these children first looked at the words in a sentence using sight memory, and if the words didn’t make any sense, then they accessed the left reading center to sound out the words. The problem was they weren’t using the reading centers in the right and left brains simultaneously. Many of these children still lacked bilateral integration in their physical movements as well as in their reading. For some of the children, reading was slow and took a tremendous amount of effort. For other children, their sight memory was so strong that they could read quickly but their comprehension and spelling were still poor. Neither group of children could easily picture the scenes from the words they read or remember how individual words were spelled.
Many of these children need cranial therapy because of a history of a c-section birth, prolonged labor, induced labor, or use of suction forceps at delivery. In addition, these children need lots of cross-lateral types of movements (where the opposite arm moves at the same time as the opposite leg) to strengthen bilateral integration. Movements like walking or hiking with the arms swinging, swimming the various strokes, rock climbing and playing tennis will all strengthen bilateral integration. Also, specific movement therapies such as Therapeutic Eurythmy, Extra Lesson, Parelli horseback riding, Spacial Dynamics, Bal-A-Vis-X, Brain Gym, HANDLE, and sensory integration therapy will foster the development of these neurological pathways. These movements need to be noncompetitive, and the therapists needs to avoid over-stimulating the children or activating their fight and flight “stress” nervous systems. For neurological pathways do not form well when children are stressed. Once these pathways and connections are formed, many of these children will need tutoring to relearn the rules of spelling and phonics and to start using their left brains for reading. Even if these children were taught phonics in the first or second grade, they need to revisit these reading skills because they didn’t have access yet to the reading center in their left brain.
Prevention of Learning Disabilities
Overall, schools and parents can support a child’s learning by serving healthy foods that are rich in protein, good quality fats (especially omega-3 fatty acids), and fresh fruits and vegetables, while eliminating partially-hydrogenated oils and trans fats which occur when cooking or frying foods in corn oil. Adequate sleep will increase the percentage of rapid eye movement or REM sleep. A lack of sleep leads to less REM sleep and therefore, less consolidation of the previous day’s learning. Limiting screen time (television, videos, and computer games), and eliminating it altogether on school nights, will keep the mind free to do its own picturing and not stress it with violent images and rapid sequences of pictures that the brain cannot fully process. Regular rhythms and routines in eating and sleeping as well as daily activities will promote a more relaxed nervous system for learning.
In addition, children can’t learn and neurological pathways can’t form as easily when children’s nervous systems are experiencing stress. Forcing children to write, read, and spell, and giving them “standardized” tests before they are developmentally ready, will stress their nervous systems. Furthermore, children will dislike reading and will not want to go to school. If we insist on pushing writing, reading and spelling before the children’s minds are ready, we will continue to create an epidemic of behavior and learning difficulties, especially in our boys.
First grade is the time to introduce form drawing, learn the capital letters (as pictures that children can draw), and practice cursive writing. As the majority of children in the classroom strengthen their proprioceptive skills and integrate their right and left hemispheres (as evidenced by their ability to stand on one foot with their eyes closed, remember the shapes that are drawn on their backs, jump rope forward and backwards by themselves, and easily perform the cross lateral skip), then children can be more formally taught to read, and to learn how to print the lower case letters.
It is time to remove the desks from kindergartens and preschools. Our preschools and kindergartens need to fill their curriculums with play consisting of lots of sensory integration activities that will strengthen fine motor movements, visual motor abilities, balance, muscle tone, proprioception, as well as strengthen children’s social and emotional development. Activities like imaginary play, climbing, running, jumping, hopping, skipping, walking the balance beam, playing circle games, singing, playing catch, doing meaningful chores, painting, coloring, playing hand-clapping games, doing string games, and finger knitting will strengthen their minds for learning. Children need these healthy, harmonious, rhythmic, and noncompetitive movements to develop their brains. For it is the movements of their body that create the pathways in their mind for reading, writing, spelling, mathematics, and creative thinking.
Susan Johnson, M.D. is a Behavioral and Developmental Pediatrician in Colfax, California.
Pooka's Bedtime Prayer:
Lovely Goddess, sweet and true
Bless me now in all I do
Help me know which path is right
And stay with me throughout the night.
Blessed Be
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Good reading! I always love your posts... so informative!
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