My new "Normal"

[angelmama081007]

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.

Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an every day, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".

Normal is having some people afraid to mention my baby. Normal is making sure that others remember her.

Normal is weeks, month s, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.

Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.

Normal is realizing I do cry every day.

Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one.

Normal is being impatient with every thing and every one, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.

Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherland s and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.

Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God with all my heart, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. Only God can tell me why and I trust his decision!

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food.

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have a child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have no children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby.

Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy children that break your heart when you see them.

Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.

Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.

Normal is waiting for the day to be reunited with your sweet angel and living through every day until then, knowing you are blessed with your own personal guardian angel!

And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".

[LUVINRONOUR3]

Aug. 15, 2008 at 1:33 PM

I couldn't have said some of these better myself.  I can no way compare my loss to yours and wouldn't dream of it.   I just wanted to show my support and let you know that you really laid bare alot of womens hearts on how it feels to lose a child.  Here when you wanna talk.

[MommyLady]

Aug. 15, 2008 at 2:36 PM

I've liked this one since I read it back when I lost Eva. No one seems to know who the original author is though.

[SnowPrincessDec]

Aug. 15, 2008 at 3:36 PM

Oh wow I like this alot. I have alot of friends that tell me I should be over my miscarriage since it was last year. But I feel you can never get over the lose of a baby or child. And what is so mean that my friends say now that I am having to take fertility is they say maybe the reason I can't have a baby is because God doesn't think I need any more kids. And they tell me to be happy that I have a least two girls. I try not to talk to those so called friends anymore.

[tyrelsmom]

Aug. 15, 2008 at 11:08 PM

I like this.  It lets me know I'm not the only one. Because we all try to hide it, and some are VERY good at it.

[JCTJMTMOM]

Aug. 24, 2008 at 3:36 AM

It's hard to be normal isn't it? I lost my twin boys at 29 week pregnant. Burying your child is an awful feeling. Anyone who expects us to be normal after that can, as far as I'm concerned, shove it! We are special people. God knew we were strong enough to go through this experience so we could help other people. If you EVER EVER EVER need somone to talk to, I'm here to listen.

[Gramy6]

Oct. 26, 2008 at 8:56 PM

I lost my 28yr old son in 2005. A man from our church came to see us and he said he knew how we felt bc he had lost a car he really liked. We never talked to him again.

[mommything03]

Nov. 23, 2008 at 11:34 AM

wow i really like this and today it really hit home. with some of the things that i am dealing with.  love and much needed suport to you