Haven't been on much lately. I had a very emotional weekend. I don't even have a word for the feelings I've been experiencing. A few weeks ago my best friend and I had our first fight. I've been up and down since.

Well, I talked to her on Saturday night for a long time. We reconciled. I felt like I was talking to my best friend again, and it felt wonderful. She told me to go on her playlist and listen to "Wonderful" by Adam Ant, as she had put it there just for me. I promised I would listen in the morning.

I did. I was so overcome with emotion that I just sobbed. And that's how Sunday started. Flipping pancakes and sobbing at the same time while listeninh to the beautiful, meaningful words come from Adam Ant's mouth, and from my friend's heart.

What a roller coaster this summer has been. I would say this is the most "bipolar" I've felt in a long time. I've had some fantastic bouts of mania that last for weeks. I ride those waves for all they're worth. The sex is phenomenal during those times. I can't get enough of Eric, and I follow him around the house like a stalker. I love his smell, the feel of his skin, the safety of his embrace, and then I feel unstoppable. I crave him. I want to be with him all the time.

And then there's my kids. Paris is becoming a terrific young man. He's sweet and funny, and finally coming out of his shell.

Bella, on the other hand, tests the boundaries on a constant basis. She hates the word, "no," unless, of course, she's the one saying it. She swears. She's rude sometimes. She argues. And her dream is to be a comic book villian. She's 5!

Then, she has her moments where she is the sweetest little girl anyone could ask for.

I'm writing all of this because I feel like I'm at a crossroad. I don't know if it's a low coming on, but I feel like there's something big out there that I have to grab before it's too late. Although I have a very beautiful life, I want more. I don't want to leave this world being remembered only as a wife and mother.

Tags: rant, highs, lows, bipolar, kids, sex

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