Anjali is really sick. She has been runing a fever of 102-103 since Saturday and she is vomiting and diareah. Took her to the ER yesterday. They put a catheter in! She screamed while they did it and when they took it out and left she said, "mean mean to baby"!!! Broke my heart.
I'm living in my parents crappy house and having to deal with my dad. Anjali and I sleep in the garage. There isn't even room for her to play with any toys. Any time I have an opinion on anything my dad tells me I can move out. Where am I going to go? He knows I have nowhere and he loves holding it over my head.
I miss DH so much. Can't even talk to him on the phone anymore because I got rid of the cell phone. So now when he calls my house it's $50 instead of $5. I can't even let myself think about him because I just start to cry. That guy Ricki was sentenced last week and he got 15yrs. I just know DH is going to get 10. I don't want to even hope for any other scenario because if he is sentenced and I had been telling myself he was going to get off and it's a long time then I will be even more devestated.
I see babies and I get so depressed that I may never have another one. I"m still so consumed with having the perfect birth and it's worse now that I may never have it. There was this adorable little boy sleeper and I just started crying right there in the middle of Wal-Mart. Plus I saw my old OB there a few days later.
Am I cursed? Or does life just suck? Sometimes I feel like what is the point in life. Nothing ever seems to get better. Everytime I turn around I'm getting slamed with something. I feel so bad for my baby girl. She's going to grow up and have a sucky life just like everyone else. If I hadn't of had her she wouldn't have to suffer. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't want to live.