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In Case I Needed a Reminder
- Aug 25, 2008 at 3:40 PM
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- Comments (8) Total Views (215) Everyone can see this journal post.
J was supposed to get DS this weekened. I called and called on Sunday to find out where he was. He had called and I missed it-he left a message saying he was at his dad's. His dad lives in SC, 3 hours away.
Needless to say, he never came to get DS. DS is 18 months old, just old enough to understand "See daddy." When I say, "I wonder where daddy is?" He holds his hands up and shrugs.
I called him this after noon to find out what happened. J is having some money issues, but aren't we all? I don't ask him for anything except his part of the daycare-which is probably half of what he'd have to pay if I was getting real child support.
I don't care about that. I don't care if I never get a dime. What I care about is my son getting to see his father as often as possible. my heart breaks for my son, even though he can't quite understand yet.
Of course J has to become all hateful and start attacking my money handling. In all honesty, I'm not that great with money, but I'm not sure what that matters. I'm not attacking how he handles his. It's none of my business.
I just want him to get our son when he says he will. But it turns into an attack on character. It always does.
It makes me so sad. I mean, I'm angry too, but more than anything I'm so sad. Stuff like this just reiterates that our marriage wouldn't ever work...and that's depressing.
Like I needed a reminder of why he's an asshole. But did it have to relate to our kid?
Comments:
I feel so bad for your little guy, and your frustration. I wish parents would realize that when they divorce, they don't divorce their kids. The children are just the innocent bystanders. So many parents use the kids to try and get back at, or hurt the other parent and what they don't realize is that they're hurting their kids. They don't understand adult games. I hope J will grow up and realize that his little boy loves BOTH of you and the worst thing he can do is say bad things to his mommy. His son will grow up learning not to respect him. Little boys will always be mama's boys no matter how old they get. That's not a bad thing.
The worst thing is that he's a good father. He struggles with OCD and depression but is too stubborn to continue treatment. I know he's lashing out because things are bad-I just wish he could see that I don't care about money or getting back at him. All I want is for him to have a good relationship with his son. That's the only thing that matters.
"The worst thing is that he's a good father. He struggles with OCD and depression but is too stubborn to continue treatment. I know he's lashing out because things are bad-I just wish he could see that I don't care about money or getting back at him. All I want is for him to have a good relationship with his son. That's the only thing that matters."
It's SO hard to take the high road, but it somehow seems to work the best in the end. Knowing that it is just the circumstances and not 'in character' for him will probably be the best way to communicate with him that what you really need is his time and his word.
It must be incredibly difficult to watch the disappointment in your son, but unfortunately at 18 months, it is the disappointment YOU feel that affects him most. The better you can disguise it, and not be unhappy with Dad, the better he will be able to deal with it. ( In my opinion! )
Good Luck! Beth.
(btw, Imo...I know you aren't planning to stay married, but if there is a chance,at all, don't let these poor circumstances finalize that decision. I'm sure he is having a difficult time too. I'm sure some of the 'fighting' comes from the tension and the feeling that you 'can't stack up' to be the spouse you want to be/ your spouse deserves.
The feeling of being a failure with someone you love can make (you) nearly impossible to face. Especially when you've screwed up again. I honestly believe that even under these awful circumstances, the best you can do is show whatever love you can. for all.)
Unfortunately, I'm not the one that made the decision...he is. I won't be yo-yoed, which is what he did before actually saying "I don't want to be married."
So...
I'm sorry. :(
...I hope you are able to acheive what ever YOU truly want and not just what others give! You are worth that!
Beth.
I'm sorry :-(. That is just not fair to your son either. It definately shows though that you are a good mother for considering your son's feeling about it and WANTING to have his dad spend time with him. I know too many moms that do the exact opposite. Even if his dad doesn't carry through, your son will always respect (even if he doesn't admit it in the teenage years) the effort that YOU put into getting his dad to spend time with him.
Like you needed to know that I thought you where a good mother - you know that already ;-)
Alana: We have so many things in common, it's scary!
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I'm sorry. I've been there, too, with my ex. The worst is how it effects our children. Seperation/divorce is NEVER easy, on anyone, but especially on them, the most innocent of all.
SIGH. I hear you :)
- Guinhyvar
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