my posts are usually loooong as ever and even now i could probably tell a story and a half and then if i added in my feeling..Gosh you guys would be reading for a half hour.. So i've decided from now on to try to make them short but with saying a lot - I'll see if its possible (4 me anyway)

So me & my SO have been very much on a tight rope i guess might be a good way to put it..i've analyzed and analyzed (that's what we women are good for right?) and he's been miserable and just plain rude, cocky towards me a real jerk for a real long time now..so long i can't remember when it started, all i know is it was after our son was born on sept 18, 2006. I stay home with our son but he (my SO) never makes comments as to resentment about that so that can't be the problem. I don't know what his prob is all I know is that he has some problem. Over the months I've gone from blaming myself, thinking I was being a bitch so I did all kinds of different things from being ridiculously nice and ignoring every rude mean remark to not speaking to him at all to telling him each and every single time he said something that hurt me that it was hurtful..nothing. So I can say its not me, it's nothing in our relationship (i haven't cheated or anything) so basically it's him. We had a conversation basically agreeing to seperate the other day, he treated it like buisiness -- no emotion. But I asked him to stay (pretty much so i could use HIS car, yeah now its his) to take care of things before I was left without transportation besides taking the bus which is not very good where I live. 

The main problem is whenever I speak to him he responds back defensively and mean - even if I say something absolutely in a normal tone and i'm being normal. It's strange I can be telling him about how Sean said a new word today and he's sorry but a dick back to me. And me ignoring it and bottleing it up has led to an explosion which wasn't pretty, I felt like I was losing my mind and he just snickered and said "whats wrong with u?" in that damn tone like its all me. That's how he really believes though everything is all me. But its sad but we can't be together right now. I'm calm now but i'm scared. And he's acting like it wasn't serious - how do I make him see and believe that this is serious our relationship is hurtful and unhealthy and our son and my daughter don't need to be around the tension (than God there is no screaming and yelling) and me hurt and crying. Yeah I need to get welfare in place and paperwork done for the clinic I go to for methadone but then honestly we may have gotten along so far today (its 8:30 am give it time) and last night when he came home from work but I guarantee it won't last. I just don't know how to make him see I'm serious and not bluffing.

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Comments:

aliary5
Aug. 26, 2008 at 2:23 PM

Well, I'm going to give you my honest opinion so delete this before you read any further if there is something specific you want to hear because I garantee I'm not about to say it.  I think that in life you can love somebody with all your heart, even have children with them and spend most your time trying to make them happy. But, you have to ask yourself if he is not even attempting to make you happy why would you want to be with him.  People treat you the way you let them.   It sounds to me like you tried hard to make him happy and make things work and he still doesn't care.  It hurts a lot to love someone and not feel it in return but that means that you go and find someone who does.  That starts with loving yourself enough to walk away from a bad situation, and loving your kids enough to give them a happy mommy.  You seem to be dealing with a lot right now and I promise once the pain of leaving someone you love but hurts you is gone, it will be worth it.  You have over come so much already don't let him bring you back down.  I feel you know what is right for your kids and what you have to do no matter how scarey it is going to be.  You can do it.

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karyc...
Aug. 26, 2008 at 2:42 PM

I agree you have to be happy and demand respect or you will not get it....you just won't.....if he is being an ass and treating you like shit you know what you need to do yes seperate and see if that changes things, but if it doesn't you have to do what is best for you and keep from using and added stress does not help you stay sober......but you still can we are going to be tested and tried everyday and we have to do what is best for us in the end before we can do what is best for our kids and significant others......WE JUST HAVE TOO...and like I told you before....YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK ALREADY.....WHY GO BACK TO HELL WHEN YOU'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.......YOU ARE STRON AND YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY AND BE HAPPY FOR YOU FIRST AND THEN YOUR FAMILY.....YOU CAN I KNOW YOU CAN...........MUCH LOVE ALWAYS.......XOXOXOXOXOXOX-KARY

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CrzyMa
Sep. 3, 2008 at 9:18 AM

Thanks girls and just so you guys know I always want honest opinions please never sugarcoat - I don't! What we need are friends or peers that are gonna give us some advise and wisdom and I thank you for that. So since I wrote that I have seriously talked to him about seperating, I have a total plan in place for myself as to what I will do - basically financially. I asked him if he could continue to pay the rent just until I could do it myself and he agreed. Ok so we had that talk - it was real business like - no emotion nothing. But since he's acting like it never happened, so I brought it up again and he said "you really do want to do this don't you?" and I said yes Mark I am serious about it. So again to this day he's chilling like we never had the talk but it may be because I did say that before it happened I did have a couple things to take care of that would be easier with him here. Well honestly not him here but the car here. If it was to get real bad or anything screw the car there is always the bus.

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