my posts are usually loooong as ever and even now i could probably tell a story and a half and then if i added in my feeling..Gosh you guys would be reading for a half hour.. So i've decided from now on to try to make them short but with saying a lot - I'll see if its possible (4 me anyway)
So me & my SO have been very much on a tight rope i guess might be a good way to put it..i've analyzed and analyzed (that's what we women are good for right?) and he's been miserable and just plain rude, cocky towards me a real jerk for a real long time now..so long i can't remember when it started, all i know is it was after our son was born on sept 18, 2006. I stay home with our son but he (my SO) never makes comments as to resentment about that so that can't be the problem. I don't know what his prob is all I know is that he has some problem. Over the months I've gone from blaming myself, thinking I was being a bitch so I did all kinds of different things from being ridiculously nice and ignoring every rude mean remark to not speaking to him at all to telling him each and every single time he said something that hurt me that it was hurtful..nothing. So I can say its not me, it's nothing in our relationship (i haven't cheated or anything) so basically it's him. We had a conversation basically agreeing to seperate the other day, he treated it like buisiness -- no emotion. But I asked him to stay (pretty much so i could use HIS car, yeah now its his) to take care of things before I was left without transportation besides taking the bus which is not very good where I live.
The main problem is whenever I speak to him he responds back defensively and mean - even if I say something absolutely in a normal tone and i'm being normal. It's strange I can be telling him about how Sean said a new word today and he's sorry but a dick back to me. And me ignoring it and bottleing it up has led to an explosion which wasn't pretty, I felt like I was losing my mind and he just snickered and said "whats wrong with u?" in that damn tone like its all me. That's how he really believes though everything is all me. But its sad but we can't be together right now. I'm calm now but i'm scared. And he's acting like it wasn't serious - how do I make him see and believe that this is serious our relationship is hurtful and unhealthy and our son and my daughter don't need to be around the tension (than God there is no screaming and yelling) and me hurt and crying. Yeah I need to get welfare in place and paperwork done for the clinic I go to for methadone but then honestly we may have gotten along so far today (its 8:30 am give it time) and last night when he came home from work but I guarantee it won't last. I just don't know how to make him see I'm serious and not bluffing.
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