At What Point does the focus on adoption change from the adoptee to the role(s) of parent(s)??

As an adoptee, this continual battle over the role of "mom" is upsetting and depressing.

I don't want to be "owned" I want to be loved. And....the reality is that there are 2 women who made me who I am - my birth mother and my adoptive mother. They are both my mothers!!! My birth mother's care for me while she was pregnant was VITAL to me being who I am today (I am from the closed adoption era). Just as it was VITAL to who I am today for me to have the care and influence of my adoptive mother the years that I was growing up.

People please!!!! Just as a mother can love more than one child as her own, children should be able to love and claim the people in their lives (even if there isn't any contact anymore). Why does it have to be "all about the moms"? Isn't adoption supposed to be about the adoptee?

Our children grow up and enter the world of adults whether we like it or not. And at some point you will find that the role of mother changes as your children become adults - subjects that wouldn't normally include your children are open to them. Would you be okay with your children reading the manner in which you are discussing adoptees?

We are here you know! We love you and don't want such strife between the people we count as important in our lives. Just as children of divorce can be hurt by parents that battle about "the children", so too can adoptees be hurt by bickering between the triad.

I'm not saying that there isn't merit to some of the strife - I'm just saying that you may not realize how you may be hurting the very ones you are intending to protect in all of this.

Thanks for letting me get this out.

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Aug. 30, 2008 at 1:18 AM

I think that is why I feel blessed with the a-mom I chosed. Her and I responded thru e-mail, when we get together we have had no problems. I do believe a lot has changed from years ago. EVERYBODYneeds to remember that no matter why the child was adopted it was for the well being for the child. And that child was loved from the start. Laura

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