Family...as in "Instamatic!!!!"

[ladyk99]

There is a possiblity that (and I kind of hope not)but, there is a chance that hubby and I may have to become parents!









The step-sister *(of whom I will call Gina, not her real name)of my hubby's eldest daughter(whom I will call Elisa(*not her real name) and also the Gina's dad, decided to call child protective services against the Elisa(my hubby's oldest daughter). They are hoping to take the kids from "Elisa".




Elisa has three kids. One of them is 14, a girl,(Ellen,*not her real name) then, she has two young boys..(Marc and Joey, also fake names)one is about age 10 (give or take some years) and the other is about 7 or 8 years old.




We(,hubby and I)think that the reason this is happening is because first of all Gina, is very sneaky, vindictive and whom just had a baby, and whom also has a little boy who is a brat, wants to kick her step-sister(Elisa) out of her fathers' home, to have Elisa's kids,move in with HER kids ,instead! Oh,and wait, there is more! She apparently had been over heard by Elisa's daughter, Ellen, who heard Gina plotting with her father to put the boys into Gina's care,along with her little boy and baby,while her father would take the 14 year old grandchild!




This is what Ellen told her mom..but, we are not there, so we have no idea what is really going on..and if Elisa is great with her kids..I have met Elisa twice..and from what I could tell, she is pretty attentive to her children! Both hubby and I have to keep our minds open..this accusation with regards to my hubby's eldest daughter could be true! You never know!! But, for the most part, we think NOT!









So, hubby had called me earlier in the morning..but, I was out like a light! I later found his message on my phone and called him back..but, I had to wait until he got out of his job, to talk to him..(he works with FEMA people..and well, the weather was horrendous..and it has been a busy week! There is activation happening because of the hurricanes and so on.)




But, when he got home..I asked him why he had to get in touch with me..because usually I call HIM! SO, something sounded like it was most definitely up!!









He asked me if I could handle being a parent..and no , he did not tell me..he asked me first..which was nice!




I told him that I would have to get back to him..(it would mean that our lives would drastically change..and I do mean drastically!! I would no longer have all that much freedom anymore..I am not sure that I want that..I did not have children because I am selfish..and yes, I can admit this! I love children..and I do not always think about what it is like to have them...when I was a nanny...I loved to hang out with the kids..but, it is true, as one friend of mine would tell me...if you have a kid..you are with them..and they are with you!!You cannot take them back to the store where you got them from! smiles...and yeah, she is one hundred percent correct on that one!!









Our life will probably never be the same again!(and Yes, I will MISS the way that it was..probably a LOT!) I was free..to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I could go and shop anytime..and meet friends and so on..and if we have kids..it will be no more of that, pretty much!




I know that you might NOT understand how I feel...but, this is or would be a highly sudden thing...because apparently also, Elisa was told by the person who investigated her that they thought of her as a "neglectful parent" and since hubby and I do NOT happen to know what is "really" happening where Elisa lives..we have to "wait on pins and needles" to find out what is going to happen next!




Oh,and also Elisa tried to talk to a lawyer about this..and they can't do a thing, until the court takes the kids!!









This is the situation that we are now trying to deal with!!









UGH!!!














Well, I will let you know later...









Man, I keep on conking right on out! I think that I might have eaten a bit too many cookies! Oh uh! (that is what diabetes does to you!!) High sugars are terrible!! I might have to go "night night!" LOL!




Anyhow, that is what is on the plate at his writing...gotta go, snorrrr zzzzzzzzz and catch some Z's if you pulleeese!! LOL!









Julie

[catkiss]

Sep. 3, 2008 at 4:35 PM

hey--i had a question, if it's not getting into anyone's business too much: what exactly is the ss accusing the d of?  If there is any truth to it, is it something d can address, fix?  Is she a drug user?  Are her kids in danger?  If so, I would allow cps to do their job.  If your h's daughter loves her children, she should fight for them; that involves proving to the court that she is providing for their health, safety, education, material needs, emotional well-being.  If she has made some mistakes--and we all have-- she can correct them.  She must show she is actively doing that.  If she has been neglectful, she hasn't been focusing on her children's needs.  Are her needs being met?  What is she doing to meet her own needs?  Maybe she isn't addressing them, or her children's; that needs to change.

I don't think it is your responsiblity to be your grandchildren's parent.  I think there are some dependency issues going on with these adult daughters.  They both need to be grown ups, getting their own places would be a start.  Their dads need to make them grow up.  That's what parents do.  It's called "weaning" in some species.  I think cps could monitor both these women and it would be good for them.  It might be like being on parenting probation.  CPS is a nightmare for many.  For those people making a genuine effort to be good parents, services are available--or referrals to agencies who provide them, many times with funding.  If she will be less defensive and more assertive in showing what she does toward providing for her children, your h's daughter will have only a brief dealing with them.  This may be an opportunity for her to get into a better housing situation, get job training, needed counseling, etc.  More than an attorney, she needs an advocate--someone who knows her and knows the system and can speak for her in court and keep her focused in moving ahead, getting done what needs to be done.  She needs to find this person, hire an intern from a local college, possibly, or find one through a DV agency. 

Not many parent advocates exist, but they are needed.  Grants may be available to start an agency of this kind.  I mention this here because someone may be inspired to start one.  I support you all in whatever you  decide to do.  But I strongly feel that mothers should raise their own children; they have to find their own strength and do this.  It's a huge responsibility, a sacred duty, and a gift from God, nothing less.   Parents deserve and need to be honored for what they do--and those who encourage them deserve honor as well.   I really hope your husband will take the hard line role and urge his daughter to grow up, not take on her responsibility.     

good luck  ladyk!    --catkiss  >> + <<

[SylviaNCali]

Sep. 4, 2008 at 12:04 AM

I hope it all works out.