Ground Zero On Up

[scarrymama]

I remember this day so clearly. We were actually still living in Seattle when the Towers fell. I remember being glued to the tv- unable to look away. I remember when I had to go and pick up Jordan from school--the silence--I will never forget the silence that was all around me. There were no words--no one could wrap their minds around the utter devastation we were facing. As the day turned into night, and then passed into a new day, I couldn't tear myself away from the tv. I couldn't NOT listen to the grief and desperation of my brothers and sisters. It was on that day, when faced with the grief of my country, that I knew that my mom was going to die. As I was confronted with the raw grief of others, I could no longer deny that that was soon going to be me. And so I sat, glued to the tv wondering how the world was ever going to be the same. Sadly, it was less than one year later that my mom was gone. Every September 11th I think of her. I remember talking to her on the phone that day...trying to pull her essence through the phone lines to hold tight to my chest. It was May 5, 2002...I was standing at ground zero with Jason and I got the call. The call that changed my life. As I looked across the street at the hole left by the Twin Towers, I found out that my mom was dying. My dad was crying on the other end of the phone, and the tears just rolled down my face. How poignant to be standing on that very spot...where the world stopped turning....MY WORLD stopped turning too. I miss you mom. So desperately. I know that the pain and suffering is gone and that all is good with you...it is those of us left behind that still suffer. Does time really heal all wounds? I don't know. I think that time shifts things around a bit, dulls the sharp edges of pain...it becomes more manageable. But it never leaves. Grief, and how we live through it, defines us. I am determined to keep on living...living a life of joy and fulfillment...as a representation for all who lost their lives. I am DETERMINED to live and to love. And never take one single moment for granted. Ground Zero. Rock bottom. The only way to go.....is up.

[Kelreyne]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 1:15 PM

Thank you Angie, that was beautiful.

[kki2700]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 1:47 PM

what a beautiful statement!!!!

[Stephanie101979]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 5:18 PM

beautiful post girl

[MrsCuniculus]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 5:48 PM

Just like you, beautiful and eloquent.

[angel.mama]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 6:04 PM

Beautifully written and sending special SA hugs your way to help you cope with the sad memories that this day holds for you. xoxox

[SalBac]

Sep. 12, 2008 at 10:57 AM

Thank you for sharing yourself so beautifully and honestly.  I'm sorry that you're sad right now. 

[foresthouse]

Sep. 12, 2008 at 12:48 PM

So beautiful Ang. You've really been able to turn your grief into something powerful. That takes amazing strength of soul, which you've always had. I love you!

[nymomof7]

Sep. 12, 2008 at 6:59 PM

Beautiful post Ang...

Love ya..

[back2skoolmama]

Sep. 24, 2008 at 4:19 PM

Funny the first word I was thinking in response to this was beautiful. Seems everyone else got that too. Your way with words is such a God given gift, please continue to use it. Keep your head up and your heart strong mama. YOu will see your mom again one day, and it will be the most joyous day of your lives. She will be healthy and beautiful, and she will run to embrace you! I love you mama, keep inspiring us all! 

[AmberZ...]

Oct. 6, 2008 at 11:44 PM

I agree with all about, Beautiful. You have a way about you when you spell out your words. Think of how proud she must be of you. She is giving you her strength and guidance to help you get through the hard times you have been having, as I know my Mom is sending all her love and strength to Jade and I as we move through these rough  times. Thank you for sharing your thoughts...