Does your mother expect you to put her before your kids?

[khamilandkhadin]

Today has been a kinda up an down day. I have not posted in a while and I just need to empty my head.

2 years ago - I married a man, bought a beautiful house, had a beautiful son to add to my wonderful family and at the same time my mother, father, and brother disowned me. They say I'm not the same person. They're right. I've changed for the better. I am not the irresponsible teenager I used to be. Matter fact, I haven't been that person for quite some time.  I am not so easily controlled and I finally have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally. As a child, I can attribute my mother's controlling behavior and constant criticisms as very effective. At 33 years of age, why would I care that she thinks I'm crap if I know I'm not. My father won't talk to me because he wants to be the father to my daughter  - but he is my father - not hers.

My mother called me up one day after not speaking to me for months to meet her somewhere to talk. I thought...FINALLY - we can talk like adults and come to some understanding as to why she hates me so much for getting married and doing what people do.

She met me to tell me that she was going through something - she wanted me to help her but she turned her back on me and my kids because I didn't put her before them. I asked her directly "do you think I should put you before them" - she said "Yes" - I about fell out of my chair. But then I realized - that is how she was raised. She always put everyone before me. I don't want to be that way with my kids - I want them to know I love them but when they grow up and get their own families - I can't be #1 in their lives - I am their mother not their God! I thought that was an insane analogy. I love her but how could she think that she comes before them?

[wantingonemore]

Sep. 11, 2008 at 10:44 PM

I read this post and about fell out of my chair i am 29 yrs old and my mom wants to be the mohter to my 2 kids and tell me how to run my house and doesn't like my new husband even though he is a great man and takes care of us ..my mother as well thinks that she should be #1 i have been paying her way for 3 yrs now and i finally stopped now she won't talk to me at all....i know exactly whrer you are and you will reap what you sew in the end..goodluck to you