"For of those to whom much is given, much is required"

[blessed3times]

I have pondered how to get across the point I want to make tonight and to do it in such a fashion as to not tread on anyone's feelings....

The title of this post is a quote from John F. Kennedy.

In my humble and heartfelt opinion, it can be used to describe adoptive parents.

Because how much more could a person be given than another person's child? 

That is the ultimate definition of  "much"  if you ask me.

Therefore  -  much is required of us.

This is probably a strange analogy, but go with me here:

Do you remember the  "popular crowd"  from your high school days?  Did you know a football jock or two that were given passing grades so they could play on Friday night?  They didn't earn those grades, but were excused from having to do the same work as all the other students.  Their faults were overlooked for the "good of the school"...

I think of adoptive parents as the  "popular crowd"  in the adoption world.  Society loves us!  We have their sympathy because we desperately want children.  The majority of people can have them at the drop of a hat, so they feel sorry for us.  They see our picture perfect profiles that detail our wonderful homes, exciting professions, empty nurseries...

I mean, GOSH!  People like that DESERVE children, don't they??

So if society sees us do things out of desperation or fear when adopting, we are oftentimes excused.  Our faults overlooked for  "the good of the children"...

And yet nowhere else in life can I think of instances where adults are let off the hook because they did something wrong out of fear.

Would a judge forgive you for robbing someone because you were afraid you couldn't pay your rent?  NOPE.  Still a crime.

Would the state look the other way when you cheated on your law exam because you were afraid you'd fail?  NOPE.  You still cheated and you don't get to be a lawyer.

See where I'm going with this?

If you ever doubt an action you are about to take (or not take) in your adoption journey, just ask yourself if your reason will be something you can look your child in the eyes and truthfully  explain one day.

I will leave you with yet another quote.  This one from British philosopher Bertrand Russell:

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."   - An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish

[Sadie85]

Sep. 13, 2008 at 11:35 AM

Great post!

[JESSEMOM]

Sep. 13, 2008 at 12:06 PM

This is so true.   NObody could write this but you, and adoptive mom!  

Ive dealt with this sort of thing a lot, gals making excuses for my adotpive parents when telling my story.  I can also fit birth mom into this. 

Thanks!

[scrivener1]

Sep. 13, 2008 at 6:24 PM

Oh, I just have to add that this quote didn't originate with JFK.  It is from Luke 12:48!!! 

[Bryn1020]

Sep. 17, 2008 at 9:40 PM

I have to agree with this post.  As an adoptive mom, I think much is required.  It breaks my heart to hear of adoptive parents who make decisions that will ultimately affect their kids, out of fear or insecurity.  At the end of the day it should always be about what is best for the child.  I've been in that place where my mind only functioned as a woman longing to have a baby to love, I understand where those thoughts come from, but I truly don't think I could ever push an adoption forward in a case where a birth mother was waivering.   How could you ever life with yourself knowing you were likely the reason the adoption was completed?  What would tell that child?  The title of this post speaks LOUD and CLEAR.  (I may have to plagerize it off you, LOL!)

[Bryn1020]

Sep. 17, 2008 at 9:43 PM

And just to add one more quote to this, becuase I think it fits exactly:

"Love is not what you expect to get, its what you expect to give, which is everything." 

Author Unknown to me anyway.