Family Jokes

[Fistandantalus]

All families have them.  Those little incidents that get brought up right as the yams are passed at Thanksgiving, usually preceded by the phrase "Remember the time..." and in our family, finished up with "..whoo, that was a humdinger of a day!"

I was reminded of one of our family jokes this morning, as my mother emerged from the bathroom wearing a t-shirt with the diagram for the human genome printed on it and a pair of bright orange sweatpants. 

"Hey, what's with the traffic cone on your lower half there, or did you just escape from prison?" I asked.

"Oh none of my pants fit so I bought these at the David's Market for three dollars.  See, they fit!"  She did the 69-year-old-lady-with-stainless-steel-hip version of a twirl.  They did fit, even if they could be seen from space.

"There's something else different though.."I stared at her.

"Oh yeah, I cut my hair too."

"What did you do, just grab a handful and start chopping?" Her head looked like shredded wheat.

"Well yeah!  It was driving me crazy."

"Speaking of crazy, do you think this getup will get you through the line at Walgreen's faster, or is it designed for more of an evening soiree with Thorazine aperitifs?"

"Don't get smart with me; you're the one who started foaming at the mouth at Best Buy when you were eight!"

"Hey, it got us our hand blender, didn't it?  And who would have thought that writhing around on the floor yelling 'HAND BLENDER' would work anyway? I figured they'd just throw us out and we could go home!"

My mother adjusted her drawstring. "Maybe these will get me through the line faster..."

So what's one of your family jokes?

[CrystalRenee34]

Sep. 14, 2008 at 8:35 AM

ROFL! You guys are so funny!

[Woodenvelt]

Sep. 14, 2008 at 12:17 PM

My family always likes to trot out the "random objects the children have stuck up thier nose" stories. I wish I had a dime for every time I had to hear my mother regale everyone over diner about how I shoved sixlets up my nose when I was three and they couldn't get them out so they just had to wait for them to melt. Of course, once she tells that gem they have to bring up my cousin who shoved a small plastic ring up his nose. My aunt fished that one out with a crotchet needle. This quickly spins into "we don't need no stinking doctors" territory as we move on to that time my cousin split his scalp open. Rather than go to a doctor for stitches, my aunt (the same one with the crotchet needle) just knotted his hair together tightly. I could go on for hours. My relatives always do.