Domestic Violance 2

[funnma]

A couple of months ago I wrote in my journal about my situation with my boyfriend how we got into a fight and what is was about. 

Update:  I still do see him we have 2 children together but i did pursue this in court were we are currently going through.  It has change my outlook on men a lot, but i do understand that there are some good men that were raised  very well.  I myself have a son so I know what responsibilty I have with him to educate him and raise him to be a man of honor and to just walk away and never place your hand on a female.  He is 4 years old and understand that boys do not hit girls because that means they are not nice.  He calls it a punk (which yea it is ).  Oneday at work last week a patient brought his friend with him to his appointment. and this young lady had a black eye. Me and my co worker we just watched her and said nothing to her (do to the nature of my job we really are not allowed to get too personal with peoples business unless they want to share). She yelled in the back of our office to her friend that her boyfriend was arrested.  When checking the patient out me and my co worker tried to get her to participate in our conversation we were having with her friend and stated that she was sorry her mind was on something else and that her boyfriend had just beat her up. Here is what got me and gets every single woman with this comment she made "I feel bad that I had him arrested". Yes I too felt the same way when i filed those charges.  I did say to her "you should never feel bad for anything he has done to you, you did what you felt you had to do" and that was that.  She had her head held low because she was ashamed of what he did to her.  Yea it is easy for someone who has never been in this situation before and there are people who are in denial due to the fact that they dont want anyone to know that they were a victim.

STOP!!  Do Not Feel Embarassed or Ashamed!  You will come to find out that  people whom you are close to are or have gone through the samething and they never mention it to anyone because of how they felt.  We were not ment to be anybody's punching bag but to be loved by the person whom is loving us.  Now this thing is going on with our young girls in junior and high school. If you are ashamed or have no one to talk to there are groups and agencies that can and will help you.  Our children should never have to see their mother go through this. I have 3 girls and my oldest is almost 13 and in junior high. I don't want any of them to ever have to deal with it. Sometimes i feel my children think i am a weak woman for allowing this, but i can only sit with them and tell them not look up to me when something like this happened but to be stronger than me.  I have friends that i know that in a abusive relationship rather it is physical or emotional, but they are to embarrased to share with me.

If you are someone who is going through this please find  someone whom you can talk to that will not judge you for anything that is happening now or that has happened in the past.

[d387savannah]

Sep. 25, 2008 at 2:35 AM

I just read your post.  My daughter was in a bad relationship for six years.  Even though she says he never hit her I have my doubts.  His cousin told me he had and someone  else did too but, she still denied it.  It took many break-ups, moving in and out, and him going to prison to get her away from him.  He even lived with us (that's how good he pretended to be) for a little while, me feeling sorry for him.  That was a big mistake.  They started dating some time before she turned 18 and he was her very first serious relationship.  Just several weeks after they met he did his first crime while she was with him.  He and his cousin went to get his car washed and because no one in the car had much money, he decided to break into the car wash's change machine.  He broke the hinge and busted open the machine to get the money.  A person that was getting her car washed called 911 and soon the police followed them and stopped them.  He had left the car jack that he used to bust the machine open in the car and that is how he got arrested.  My daughter was in the backseat of the car with his cousin's girlfriend and their baby when it happened.  I received a call from the detective assigned to his case and that is how I found out what he did.  The detective wanted to question my daughter about what happened  and since he couldn't get her to say anything, he called me.  my husband and i were so furious that we banned her from seeing him.  That lasted maybe three weeks and she started sneaking around to see him.  One day he called and I answered the phone and he tried to apologize for what he did.  Though I was skeptical i gave him another chance, since i believe everyone deserved a second chance.  Boy was that a mistake.  For the next several months he was in more and more trouble.  I found out from the detective that he had a record starting when he was about 10 years old.  Just petty crimes but, still too many to count.  He got arrested more than once, probably 4/5 times in one two year period.  He always got out after 30 days and would wait a couple more months and get in trouble again.  To make a long story short, he finally went to prison after having sex with a minor and getting chased by the police.  He went up for 2 and a half years.  In the meantime my daughter kept writing to him in prison though she assured us she was "over" him.  I found the letters he sent her,  confronted her and she still wanted to deny it but, she knew I didn't believe her.  He got out of prison in feb of that year and she sneaked out to see him (this even though she was engaged to another) and I found her at his mom's house.  She stayed with him for 5 days and HE dumped her for someone else.  That was finally the way we got rid of him.  He has since been with at least 4 girls we know of and treats all of them badly.  She no longer has any contact with him, which thank God is great.  i am just glad she didn't get pregnant or he never would have been out of her life.  She has trust issues with men now.  In the times they were apart she had two other relationships and they all were bad.  The second boyfriend stole from her and even asked us to take in one of his "friends' who I found out was a runaway and the 3rd boy ran her cell phone up to over $700.  I am sorry I went on and on but reading your post I had to comment.  I want to tell all of your girls out there who are in bad situations to get out while you can.  No matter what the guy says he will never change, especially ones with long criminal records.  We learned this painful lesson after six year of pure he..  Run as fast as you can before its too late.  God bless all of out there and take it from someone who's been there,  it is NOT a good way to have to live