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My Mom, The Bully (Part 3)
- Sep 22, 2008 at 8:56 AM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (1050) Everyone can see this journal post.
Last year, I posted two journal entries, My Mom Is A Bully, and My Mom Is (Still) A Bully, in which I described my mom's overbearing means of contradicting my parenting style. Essentially, I am perpetually 8 years old to her and have no brains, no skills, and no business raising a child. To hear her talk sometimes, it's a wonder Alyssa has survived these last 2-1/2 years with hubby and me as her parents!
Well, I thought everything had finally settled down, and that she was finally going to just back off. Uh-uh! The Bully struck again the other night, but this time, the attack was on my husband!
Flashback to Friday. My mom had the day off, and since we are camping this weekend, she wanted to see Alyssa "one last time." (Like Alyssa wouldn't survive a weekend alone with us, but whatever!) I agreed that my mom could come get Alyssa and take her to her house, or go out and play wherever. I had a huge deadline to meet on Friday, anyway, so it was nice to be able to work straight through the day.
Alyssa spent all day at my mom's house, doing whatever she wanted, skipping her nap (my mom always claims that "she WON'T nap at my house!" because my mom gives into Alyssa whenever she so much as whimpers about lying down to sleep), and eating whatever, wherever, and however she wants. (No joke! My mom has actually followed Alyssa around with a spoon and bowl of applesauce, feeding her bites here and there while Alyssa ran around the house playing!)
So now that you have an idea of what kind of fun day Alyssa had being spoiled at Grandma's house, you can imagine how tired, cranky, and obstinant Alyssa was by day's end. We decided to meet for dinner at a very loud BBQ joint by my mom's house. Alex and I were both working late, so we decided to take separate cars. Alex stopped by his dad's house and picked up my father-in-law, and I wrapped things up and was the last to arrive, around 7:45 pm.
In the 20-25 minutes it took for me to get there, here's what happened:
- Alex & his dad arrived at the restaurant first, only a few minutes before my mom and Alyssa. My father-in-law saw them coming, and, playing some strange peek-a-boo game, opened the door and jumped out with a "rah!" when Alyssa got there.
- Alyssa, being over tired and cranky, was in no mood for the game she normally enjoys with her grandfather, and started bawling. My mom picked her up, told her it was ok, and everyone went into the restaurant and sat at the table. (My father-in-law felt 2 inches tall!)
- At the table, Alex tried to say hello to Alyssa and give her a kiss since he hadn't seen her all day. Alyssa, still mad from being startled, pushed Alex away and started throwing a screaming temper tantrum. Alex told her to behave and "be nice," but Alyssa continued to throw a fit and try to push Alex away by hitting him in the face.
- Alex got mad, and decided to put an end to the temper tantrum by taking Alyssa out of the restaurant for a "talk." As he was picking Alyssa up, my mom started her "she wants me! Let her come to me!" chant. Alyssa, knowing she was in trouble, started struggling to get to Grandma. Alex told my mom "no!" and marched Alyssa out of the restaurant. Outside, he got face to face with Alyssa and, through gritted teeth, scolded her for misbehaving, took her for a walk around the shopping center until she settled down, then brought her back to the table.
End of story, right? Uh-uh! Yesterday, my mom called me up to tell me how Alex hurt her feelings by not letting Alyssa go to her at the restaurant! EXCUSE ME?!? Coming to Alex's defense, I told her that I was sorry her feelings got hurt, but Alex was doing what he thinks is best for Alyssa, and he wasn't going to let her be a little brat.
"She's only 2!" my mom indignantly protested, "And it all could have been avoided by letting her come to me!"
"She IS 2," I agreed, a little perturb, "And letting her get her way all the time is only going to teach her that throwing a big fit is acceptable and rewarding behavior!"
My mom just huffed an indignant "nevermind!" when she saw that I wasn't going to commiserate with her and tell her how right she was, and how wrong my hubby was.
Argh! I was soooo close to scolding my mom and telling her that she needs to let Alex and me be Alyssa's parents, and to stop contradicting us in front of our child! But I could tell that her feathers were already ruffled, and trying to reason with her when she was like that would be pointless, so I decided to be the bigger person and just end the call.
Now I'm mad that I didn't give her what-for, and the moment is long gone!
Comments:
You're not going to convince her anyway, so it's just as well that you didn't waste that energy telling her off! Besides - you and your husband were right. You're doing a good job. Don't let her get to you.
My mom did that once or twice with Rhanyn....but we just told her that we would NOT stand for her acting like that and she backed off pretty quickly. One of my grandmother's on the other hand is pretty much the same way. Rhanyn could literally get away with murder and she would not blink an eye. Drives me insane! And, since she's the GREAT-Grandmother it's absolutely impossible to explain anything to her!
LOL, does your Mom have a twin sister that she was separated from at birth? If she does, I have her for MY mother....
u must have mistaken your mother with my mother. LOL!
Wow! I know the feeling, excpet my problem is my step mom! Aside from sneaking her *sweet* tea and snacks, my mom does pretty well. Hang in there and try not to let her get to you.
When I took my daughter swimming once, my mom told me not to let her drown....wth? Like it was an option....
Don't worry. Your mom will give you another opportunity. Then set her straight, in the most civil way you can. She'll get over it.
Ugh, I feel your pain!
I think your Husband did the best thing, bring her OUT of the restaurant to talk to her & let her get it all out and then bring her back in to the environment that caused the meltdown.
girl, my mother is exactly the same way. I'm 42 and she is 76. I have an 8 year old and a 12 year old and she doesn't think i have sense enough to raise them. It is ridiculous.
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Meet Dodie702
This Nevada mom of two - who are just 18 months apart! - is married to her high school sweetheart and loves to craft in her free time.
Yeah, definitely a bully! I hope my mil or my mom don't act like that when my little one finally gets here. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't think it is good for grandparents to undermine rules established by parents. It sounds like you and your husband are working hard and doing a great job. I hope things get better for you.
- sassyandsweet
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