God's Sovereignty

[staciashaf]

Almost 3 1/2 years ago my husband and I decided that it was time to start our family. He finally had a full time job with good benefits and we felt that he could support our family. After the school year ended, I wouldn't return back. It only took us 6 months to get pregnant, which is not long in the fertility game, however, during that 6 months we were facilitating a small group that had 3 young married couples in it, and each of those couples got ACCIDENTALLY pregnant before we did.

October 1st was the first day of my last period and I remember it vividly. My period was late and so I was devastated when it did come. DH trying to encourage me took me to a local park for the day. I brought my Bible and prayer journal and we just sat outside and enjoyed all the scenery. Our small group was studying James and the past week we had talked about taking care of the widows and orphans. So, as I read through that again, I began to wonder what I could do to help the orphans. Long story short, I eventually landed on adoption. I asked DH how he felt about adoption and he said he would be interested but wanted to have our own children first. I agreed with him that we could hold off on the adoption idea.

October 31st, I found out I was pregnant. Five days later DH lost his job. We had wanted to move to Utah eventually to do ministry to Mormons, so we felt like it was now or never. He got a job and we moved to Utah. His job ended up being horrible. He had to continuously ask for pay checks and the promised benefits never happened. Our house in Ohio didn't sell either. So, I'm 9 months pregnant with no health insurance and praying very fervently that our house would sell, so that we'd be more financially stable when our son came. The house didn't sell and I found myself disappointed with God.

July 12th, my son was born. Unfortunately I had a weak uterus. I pushed for 6 hours and lost a lot of blood before I was transferred to a hospital (had him in a birthing center). The average pregnant woman has 7 liters of blood and I lost 6. I was basically very close to dying. I remember the doctor telling my husband that they might need to do a hysterectomy. I lifted my head and said, "NO!" and DH responded, "We can adopt as many kids as you want." and I was at peace. And I did have a hysterectomy to save my life.
I remember being in the ICU and thinking about things, and how God had prepared my heart for this hysterectomy by giving me a heart for adoption 9 months prior. I was at peace, God had prepared me for this.

You can imagine our medical bills up towards $30,000. Well, because DH's boss was so bad with those pay checks, we actually qualified for medicaid. And because our house didn't sell (and we didn't have the money in the bank) we only had to pay a $2000 copay. We felt like God had really taken care of us. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking, "God could have sold our house months ago, and we could have a new house by now and not even have a $2000 copay."

Well, a year later we moved from Orem, UT to Salt Lake City area. We had started our adoption process with the home study. December of 07 I really started thinking about adopting through foster care instead of infant adoption and prayed about it. In January, in the middle of our pastor's sermon, I remember thinking about the adoption stuff and so I wrote in my journal "Lord, let me follow your will in this adoption." After the service our pastor introduced us to our birth mom. And 5 months later our daughter was born.

As I look back I realize, that had God sold our house and we had bought one prior to my son's birth, we would still be living in Orem, and I wouldn't have met my daughter's birth mom. Even though God didn't do things my way, He did them in such a way, where, standing on the other side, I wouldn't have changed a thing. He took care of me and my family. God is sovereign and He does love me and want what's best for me. I am continually amazed by this.