Maybe mom's of kids with speech delays, can find some comfort in this story....

[Annette4]

I sometimes wonder what I might have done to make Jake language delayed.  Did I not pay enough attention to him? Did I not talk enough? Was it me.. was I too old? (40) was I depressed and not interact enough with him? Was I too busy?  Did I do something wrong during my pregnancy? Was it because I induced him too early? (he was due on Christmas day, and induced on the 15th of Dec)  Was it the jaundice? He was hospitalized with high numbers, and a high bilirubin count can cause brain damage. 

Or is it just chance... the luck of the draw... a blessing in disguise?

I'm sure some if not most of us have asked ourselves an assortment of these questions, and beat ourselves up over the "coulda, woulda, shoulda"s... but take heart ladies, I have a story that will set your minds at ease... hopefully. 

Whenever I feel down about Jake's inability to communicate, and start asking myself these questions, I remember a friend of mine that has twins... a boy and a girl. They were born Nov 20, 2005.  The mom was a certified child care instructor for 20+ years and her husband is a pharmaceutical chemist...

Her daughter is typically developing almost 3 yr old.. her son is language delayed. Thought to have and inaccurately diagnosed with Autism (or Asberger's) at just over 2 yrs old. She didn't accept his diagnosis, and seeked other opinions.  He has been in speech therapy since about May and had O/T as well. He is now transitioning into preschool/therapy and is doing great.

The reason I mention this is because... here is a mom, that did everything right and pays very close attention to each child and nurtures their creativity with her guitar playing and singing and lots of arts and crafts and opportunities for language galore!  How did one child, born to the same mom, only 2 minutes after her typically developing sibling,  reaching their milestones at the same time,  wind up speech delayed? No body knows! It can happen to anyone randomly, or it can happen to kids with other developmental delays...  it is just luck of the draw and up to us to work a little bit harder to deal them a better hand.

I sometimes have to remind myself of her situation when I feel defeated. It's nothing I did, but there is something I can do now and it is making me a stronger, more educated person.  I hope this story helps someone feel a little less shame and guilt with their situation, and just love the extra time you have been given to watch miracles happen as your child learns the gift of language.

[moelishiz]

Oct. 18, 2008 at 12:19 AM

This is a weird story for me..  and it kind of seems funny that i seem to be in the exact same situation as your friend only i have a set of twin boys and they were born on Nov.22nd of 2005 it sure is an extra small world.

[tinaott]

Oct. 24, 2008 at 3:21 PM

Im college educated, was pregnant with my Braison at 25 and delivered at 26, he was the only at the time so I devoted my attention to him. Read to him every night religiously. He ate well etc.. and he is developmentally delayed.  And you are right, we can work our best to help them now.  I question myself often.. was it the shots, was it my prenatals, is it the junk food I ate, was it his low blood sugar, my gestational diabetes, his jaundice...  There is a reason this is happening to so many children, they will figure out what it is sooner or later, but probably later. 

[Diana_B.]

Dec. 14, 2008 at 9:32 PM

Wow....your son was due the same day mine was. He was born very early and was born a week before Thanksgiving and came home Thanksgiving day. I ask myself the same questions all the time and feel hopeless and a little depressed not that I am being dealt with this but with the struggle my son will continue to have through life and the fact that he has now been labeled a special ed child. All I hear is autism all day long although we've had him tested and they said he doesn't have it yet every medical professional starts off with the autism speech before addressing his delay. Speech delayed children are often misdiagnosed with autism.

[patsfan013]

Feb. 10, 2009 at 10:21 AM

Thank you for this.  I, too, was of "advanced maternal age" when I had my boys, and often wonder if I "did this to him."  But you are right.  It was nothing I did.  It just happens.  All I can do now is love him and do everything I can to help him.  God not only thought I would be a great mom, but a great mom to twins, and a great mom to a speech delayed child.  I do consider myself very blessed to have them both in my life.

[hippiemama8]

Feb. 22, 2009 at 12:06 AM

Wow, I am in tears because your first paragraph is what I think daily. I am always wondering what I didn't do right. My son  will hopefully start therapy soon and be on the road to talking. It is so nice to have the support of other mothers going through the same battles.

Kelly

[GothyMama]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 6:12 PM

My daughter is speech delayed, too.  I think some of the same things you do.  She's starting with an Early Interventionist on Friday.  Everyone kept telling me she's fine, and she's just going to be a late talker, and some people were even saying how useless early intervention was and told me I was wasting my time.  I don't care if they found NOTHING wrong with her, I don't think having my daughter evaluated was a waste of time.  And it turns out she may even have issues other than just speech, which is why they're starting her with an early interventionist instead of just a speech therapist.  Thank you for sharing your story.  I wish I knew WHY my daughter was delayed.  I know she's incredibly intelligent.  Of course being a 26 month old with limited, almost no, words, she doesn't get credit from most people for how incredibly intelligent she is, because there's so many other 2 year olds and even younger children who are talking so much more than she is.  They're the ones who people recognize as being smart.

[happy2bmom0406]

Apr. 3, 2009 at 7:50 PM

My son and daughter are POLAR OPPOSITES!  My husband was home for the first two years with my son and I started staying home when my daughter was born.  My poor hubby for a LONG time, silently, thought that he did something for my son to be Autistic.  And (also silently) I thought that my not being around during the day and my High Risk pregnancy did it.  We realized that our son is Autistic and we did not do this.  We also realized that we have to take credit for the good if we are going to "blame" ourselves for the bad!!  We have a strong, unbelievably intelligent, and sweet child.  Those are the things I give myself credit for these days!  My son has taught me so much!  I am thankful for him!!!