no more denial

[MythicMMM]

I think I am ready to face the fact that I was physically and emotionally abused by my little brother and that my mother permitted it to happen (amongst the emotional abuse and neglect she handed my way) because it is effecting my ability to raise a emotionally happy, healthy child and maintain a well balanced relationship full of love with my beau, Kristopher. both of which I want along with helping myself become a better person towards myself.

I'm not going to let it get covered up by statements like "well he was young"," you were so much bigger than him, it didn't hurt that much","but he was a baby", "he didn't know any better", "that's in the past". it happened. it is why I involuntarily flinch when some one swings anything near my face/persons or throws an object in my direction. maybe it was even sexual abuse when my brother would try to kiss my cheek even if I screamed, yelled no and tried to push him away from me. it would explain my problems with giving and receiving affection.

I honestly feel a little more free and less burdened now that I have finally been able to express this.