Just cant take it anymore

[julie1218]

Okay lets make a long story short... I can not have anymore children and I did not find this out until my husband and I got married,I want him to be able to experience the joy of having a child and honestly I would love to be able to experience having a baby with someone who loves me. I don't know why it bothers me so much now. I am grateful that I have my son and I WOULD NOT trade him for anything in this world. I feel cheated in some ways though and I DONT WANT THIS TO SOUND SELFISH but I wanted someone with me when I had JACOB,I wanted someone to be there to see him come into this world,see him on the ultra sound,feel his first kicks and to be glad I was having their child. Now I will not be able to and neither will my husband. I often think about adoption but I WILL NEVER HAVE THE MONEY to pay for all of the fees, all I have is the love to give the child . I am at the point now where I would take a older child. I just want one. And it seems like every where I go someone is preggo and it kills me to see it. I know it sounds bad but that is the way I feel at this moment. I even cry sometimes just thinking about it... but  this is the hand I have  been dealt in life and I will learn to over come it. The one thing I have LEARN OUT of all of this is if you are going to have sex make sure this person loves you, truly loves you because you never know what the future holds.