PLZ REPLY.....IM BREAKING AND NEED ALL OF YOU OUT THERE

[Evry1nosWen]

          IM GOING TO BREAK, I HAVE 2 CHILDREN AGES 5 AND 2 BOTH ON THE SPECTRUM. BRANDON IS AN ADORABLE 5 YR OLD HIGH FUNCTIONING AUSTISIC BOY WHO IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. BUT MY LIFE IS FEELING SO HARD RIGHT NOW.HE HAS AUTISM, DEVELOPMENTAL DELAYS, SPEECH DIFFICULTY( SOCIAL WORKERS SAYS OTHER FACTORS ....HYPERACTIVITY...GENIC PROBS, THINK SHE DID A NUMBER ON ME TODAY. MY DAUGHETER IS 2 YRS OLD AND HASNT HAD HER OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS BUT SHE STOPPED DEVELOPING AT A YR OF AGE...AFTER HER SHOTS< DONT THINK SHOTS DID IT, NOT SURE, DIDNT REASEARCH ENOUGH YET> BUT EAITHER WAY SHE STOPPED DEVELOPING AS IN STOPPING EATING SOLID FOODS , ALL FOODS, SHE DRINKS PEDIASURE 5X A DAY FOR THE PAST YR. SHE DOES NOT TALK, WANT TO BE TOUCHED, MAKE EYE CONTACT.......NOTHING......COMBO OF AUTISM, SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE. SO HERE ARE THE REST OF THE FACTS: ENLARGED TONSILS AND ADNOIDS (SCALE OF 1-4.....SHE WAS A 3 1/2 , HAD THEM REMOVED AUG 12. OUTPATIENT FEEDING PROGRAM AT CHOP, SEASHORE HOUSE ,EATING AND DISPHIGHA , FEEDING AND SWALLOWING CENTER.........DIAGNOSIS.....FEEDING DISORDER.......INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT 4 WEEK PROGRAM 8:30 AM-4:30PM EVERY DAY WHICH I HAVENT STARTED YET. 5 HOME VISITING THERAPIST A WEEK.....EACH 2X A WEEK UP TO 2 HRS. PT, OT, SPECIAL INSTRUCTOR, SOCIAL WORKER AND SPEECH THERAPIST. I HAVE NO SUPPORT SYSTEM, NO FAMILY ALIVE, HUSBAND VERY INTO HIMSELF AND LOVES ME , BUT REGUARDLESS HE IS VERY UNFEELING AND WANTS NOTHING TO DO W/ TALKING TO ME, IM NOT ALLOWED TO CRY , I GET YELLED AT AND I DONT WANT THE KIDS TO SEE ME CRY. I WENT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT TODAY AND HE FREAKED ON ME .....SAYING IM SELFISH AND I JUST DONT WANT TO LET HIM RELAX AND TOLD ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM . I TOLD HIM HE CUD KISS MY A**. BUT .......................I WON'T LET HIM BREAK ME......WHAT A PATHETIC HUMAN BEING SHAME ON HIM.................ANYWAY , TODAY THE SOCIAL WORKER WHAMED INTO ME BASICALLY SAYING ALL THE PROBS WERE MY FAULT THAT MY KIDS WERE HAVING. I CORRECTED HER AND TOLD HER IF SHE HAD TO DO WHAT I HAD TO DO AND UNTIL SHE WALKED IN MY SHOES DO NOT PASS JUDGEMENT ON ME . SHE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND UNLESS SHE HAS HAD IT HAPPEN TO HER.......LET HER LITTLE GIRL STOP DEVELOPING , TALKING , EATING ALL OF A SUDDEN.......MY FAULT ...... I THINK NOT. AND THEN TELL ME NOT TO STRESS OR BE HYPER . YES THERE IS A CRISIS EVERYOTHER WEEK AT MY HOUSE, MY DAUGHTER HAD THE NIPPLE ON HER BOTTLE BREAK AND SHE WONT TAKE ANYTHING ELSE IN HER MOUTH SO SHE DIDNT EAT, URINATE AND JUST LAYED THERE CRYING FOR 3 DAYS, HER LIPS BLEEDING FROM DEHYDRATION AND IM HOLDING HER DOWN GIVING HER WATER W/ AN EYE DROPPED AND MY HUSBAND TELLS ME IM OVEREACTING AND GOES SHOTTING AT  A GUN RANGE W/ A FRIEND AND LEAVES.......NICE HUN..........

                    NOT TO MENTION THE BEHAVIOR PROBS IM HAVING W/ MY SON AT HOME AND AT SCHOOL. I DONT EXSIST ANYMORE, THERE IS NO ME , NO TIME AND NO ONE TO MAKE ME FEEL ANY SENCE OF WORTH SO I MAKE MY OWN SENCE OF WORTH AND I WONT LET ANYONE MAKE ME FEEL BAD. THESE KIDS COULDNT GET A BETTER MOM..................THEN WHY AM I SITTING HERE W/ TEARS IN MY EYES............JUST LET ME KNOW THAT YOUR HERE FOR ME AND PLZ REPLY SO I DONT FEEL SO ALONE. I CANT BREAK , I LIVE AND BREATH FOR THEM , THEY ARE MY EVERY BREATH. TY FOR LISTENING THOSE WHO READ THIS !!!!!!!!

               

[SFerber]

Sep. 30, 2008 at 1:29 AM

I understand...I really do.

It will get better:  But you must take care of you. 

 

(and no I did not intend for that to sound poetic.) 

 

watch this:  http:www.hasanyonetoldyou.com

[mackenziesmummy]

Sep. 30, 2008 at 2:00 AM I have to agree how can u be the one in charge if u r sick :( I don't know what u r going thro nor do I pretend to because I can't imagine but to me ur are special known u r trying to get help with lil support from hubby so keep ur chin up I'm here if u ever need sumone to chat with (((hugs))) xx

[TabbysMama]

Sep. 30, 2008 at 3:59 AM

 

YOU'RE RIGHT... THOSE BEAUTFUL KIDS COULD NOT HAVE A BETTER MOM THAN YOU!!!!!!!

  you are more of a woman than i will ever be.  i couldn't handle the things you go through and here you are standing as tall as you can!  :)  more power to you!!!!!!

[KatieMommy9303]

Sep. 30, 2008 at 8:30 AM

I'm sorry to hear life is so hard for you right now, if you want to chat sometime add me as a friend. I hope today is easier for you.