I'm sad. And I'm tired. Sick and tired. And I'll tell you why.

I'm tired of mothers thinking that children with delays are NORMAL, that their behaviors are normal. And that parents are jumping too quickly to get a diagnosis from their doctors. I'm tired of people thinking that things like ASD, ADD, ODD, PDD, ADHD and all of the other acronyms out there are just NORMAL children who act out in different ways. That all we should "worry" about is making sure our children are "happy". Who cares if you think your child is delayed as long as they are "happy" right?! As long as they are "happy" they MUST be normal right?!? Is that how you can tell if they really are delayed? By how HAPPY they are?! Is there some sort of "Happiness Handbook" out there that I am un-aware of? With Q and A like this for example "If your child doesn't smile at you when you smile at them THEN they have something wrong with them" What kind of IDIOT thinks that Special Needs children aren't happy. And that HAPPY children can't possibly have special needs? Sounds to me like you could use a nice piece of duct tape over that pie hole of yours so you can't spread your ignorance to other people.

Shame on you.

Let me tell you a story about a "happy child".

Once upon a time, there was a HAPPY baby. He hardly ever cried. He could go anywhere, even as an infant in his little carrier, and he'd never make a peep. He'd flap his little hands, and laugh and giggle. He'd move his fingers in front of his eyes and he'd laugh and laugh. He would stare off into space and smile and laugh, we used to say he was playing with the angels. But he wouldn't look at your face. Nope. Never. When he started walking and babbling he would stand in a corner with any stick shaped toy and babble to it (we called that "preaching") Yes, he was quite HAPPY. He would rock back and forth, HAPPILY giggling to himself. He would HAPPILY line up all of his toys. He would laugh hysterically when he would make this wheezing sound and an adult would fly to him and pick him up to make sure he was breathing. Yes he found that game to be QUITE enjoyable!

He was even HAPPY when he would be watching blues clues all the way up until they would sing the mailbox song.. Then, he was not so happy.

And what did he do when he was not happy?

He would SLAM his head into the walls. Kick people, scream, hit people and make them NOT HAPPY with him.

He was HAPPY as his mommy asked the pediatrician if that meant there was something wrong. And he was HAPPY still when she said "Don't worry, he won't do any damage to himself, babies can't hit their heads on things hard enough to do any REAL damage. He's just tantruming. He'll grow out of it. Just ignore him when he does it.

So the HAPPY baby's mommy tried to ignore it when he would hit his head on things. Then the HAPPY baby decided he would up the ante, He HAPPILY learned to throw himself back into the walls with such force he would break through the sheet-rock leaving GIANT holes where his head went through. Or slam his forehead into doorjambs so hard he needed stitches. He would take hard plastic toys and beat himself in the face with them. Still the pediatrician was convinced there was NOTHING wrong with him. "But he won't even look at me" pleaded the happy baby's mommy. "Not to worry" said the nice doctor, "Just give him time."
"But he's not reaching his milestones like other babies, he should have some words, shouldn't he? Like 'Mommy' or 'Milk'. All he ever says is his alphabet, colors and shapes, he's barely a year old, isn't that a little bit odd?" questioned the happy baby's mommy. "No, no. You should be HAPPY to have such a SMART BABY" said the ignorant doctor.

As the HAPPY baby grew into a HAPPY TODDLER he learned EVEN MORE new tricks. Like wiping his poop all over walls and toys and himself. It was the most FUN game EVER! The HAPPY toddler's mommy was NOT so HAPPY with this new game. Many nights she would lie awake thinking about her HAPPY toddler, and she would cry and cry.

But still, nobody had answers. He was just a HAPPY toddler, that acted differently than other children. A HAPPY toddler, that would not speak. A HAPPY toddler that wouldn't even notice if there were other people in the room with him.

The HAPPY toddler grew and grew, and learned EVEN MORE tricks! He learned to scream and scream at the top of his lungs repetitively. He liked the way it stimulated his brain! It felt good to do the same things over and over and be as loud as he could be! OH how he enjoyed repeating his loud sounds!

Finally one day someone mentioned to the HAPPY toddlers mommy that he might have something called Autism.

The HAPPY toddlers mommy protested "But the DOCTOR says he's just fine. He's just taking his time doing things. And there's NOTHING WRONG with him."

But the HAPPY toddlers mommy wasn't sure she believed that anymore.

She took the HAPPY toddler to a panel of specialists so that they could test the HAPPY toddler and find out why he did such silly things.

As it turned out the HAPPY toddler had SEVERE delays, in motor skills, communication, social development. In fact he had SO MANY delays they wanted him to start at a special school RIGHT AWAY, doing different therapies. The HAPPY toddler needed A LOT of help!

He wouldn't touch carpet, or grass, or asphalt, or concrete, or wood, or tan bark, or gravel, or sand. He HATED wearing clothes. He wouldn't eat ANYTHING but carbohydrates. He could not even TOUCH meat or vegetables! He couldn't pick up a pencil or a crayon. He wouldn't play with his toy cars unless he was flipping them upside down to move and wiggle the wheels.

His mommy had never heard her name (or anyone else's for that matter) being said by the HAPPY toddler.

The HAPPY toddler started school and therapies when he was just shy of 3 years old. One day when the HAPPY toddler was almost 4 years old his mommy heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world! She was getting ready to go to work and the HAPPY toddler ran up to her, hugged her leg and said "I wub you mommy, bye bye!" The mommy's heart skipped a beat. She looked down, bewildered by what she had just heard. She collapsed to her knees hugging the HAPPY toddler, sobbing with joy. This was the first time she had EVER heard her HAPPY baby say he loved her. Or even a whole sentence, for that matter! The HAPPY toddler's mommy called in sick to work that night and spent the whole night cuddling with her HAPPY toddler.

As HAPPY as the toddler was he was still delayed. He grew and grew. He was still wearing diapers all the time even until well after his 5th birthday. He still didn't like certain sounds and would cover his eyes and ears and cry when he heard them. He didn't like bright lights of stores. He had to be prompted often to use what little words he had. He was a very HAPPY little boy...

I'm going to stop here. My son has ALWAYS been HAPPY. I never had to question that. But that does NOT mean that he was "NORMAL" in any sense of the word. And in case there's any confusion.. NEURO-TYPICAL (meaning no obvious delays) and HAPPY are NOT SYNONYMOUS!!!

My kid and others like him are not "bad". And they are not the way they are because of "A lack of discipline" they don't "Just need a good spanking" they process information differently.

And the YOUNGER they are when their delays are NOTICED and DIAGNOSED....


THE HAPPIER THEY WILL BE!!!

Tags: autism, developmental delays, judgements, parenting, doctors, baby, toddler, pediatrician, diagnosis, tantrums, meltdowns, potty training, home repairs, happy, mommy, spanking, normal, add, adhd, pdd

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