So I'm going to be a grandma

[burch731]

Ok so I found out today that I am going to be a grandma ~ yes I know that babies are wonderful & I will love that baby no matter what but it's just so not the right time.  My daughter just turned 20, she is flunked out of college (when she had a full-ride to begin with), she has no boyfriend so I'm not even sure who the father is (God I am hoping she knows) & she only works part-time at a clothing store in the mall & she can't keep a job to save her life ~ she's all about partying & having fun!!!   I have had a feeling for a while but she kept denying it so I was really just hoping that it was me worrying but mothers intuition kept telling me that I was right & finally she calls me today to ask if I knew how she could get on Medicaid & I asked her when she was due & she tried to act all innocent & deny it again (even though I knew she was lying) & her roommate was in the background saying that if she didn't just tell me that she was going to & Kendra (my daughter) kept trying to shush her & finally the roommate told me that she was in fact pregnant & then the phone went dead & now she won't answer any of my calls or texts.   I am not mad but I will say that I am disappointed & very concerned.  She knows that I will stand by her 100% no matter what & that I will love her & do everything I can so I don't understand why she is trying so hard to keep it a secret (unless she doesn't want to admit that she doesn't know the daddy since she is single currently - PLEASE god don't be that!!!).   I'm just so stressed out & I'm going through a rough divorce right now & just moved 1,000 miles away back to my home (I was a military wife) & my daughter wouldn't come because of her friends but now I am just at a loss!!!  I just want to cry & scream (not at her ~ just in general).  

[adulation]

Oct. 6, 2008 at 8:07 PM

i got pregnant when i was 20 and i was going to college and working in a clothing store.  haha.

anyway, i was different because i told my mom as soon as i found out i was pregnant and began to plan to move back with her towards the end of my pregnancy, after finishing off the school year. but i think your daughter will come around in time, and when she does things will start working out.    good luck.

[jjnaaucoin]

Oct. 6, 2008 at 8:07 PM

I think she might not have wanted to tell you because of this reaction. I am sure she is beating herself up over this. She is 20 and not a teenager so let her be. She was reaching out to you, so be there for her and support her emotionally...this is a hard time for her and I am sure this is not how she pictured her life. I could so see my mother saying some of the things you have said and I was terrified at 24 and 28 to tell her I was pregnant...but she was thrilled however I figured she would think I was a failure..and I had a job, was in college and had been married for at least a year the first time...So let up and accept it, she needs you more than ever.

[burch731]

Oct. 6, 2008 at 8:22 PM

I haven't said anything negative to my daughter at all ~ in fact I have been sending her texts telling her that no matter what I still love her & will be there for her etc... I don't know if I stated my feelings incorrectly but I in no way have said anything negative to my daughter about this ~ that's why I'm venting my worries & frustrations on here instead. But thank you for your thoughts. 

(Original Poster)

[metalnmyveins]

Oct. 6, 2008 at 11:39 PM

Not sure what to say except hang in there. Remember things always work themselves out. If you wanna chat let me know! Sorry you're having a rough time. I'll keep ya in my thoughts!

[ElizaJay]

Nov. 29, 2008 at 4:46 PM

All you can do is be there for her. unfortunately she is an adult and she's gonna do what she's gonna do!

[ljlM]

Mar. 24, 2009 at 12:54 PM

I was 21 when I was told I was going to be a mom.  I had no goals and lived with roommates who were not my style of life.  I started college when my DD was 6 months old and finished when she started 1st grade.  It took me to become a mother to open my eyes.  The father is not around, but my husband is excited to be able to give her that role.  Things will work out!