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How you Screwed Up My Life.........
- Oct 6, 2008 at 8:37 PM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (465) Everyone can see this journal post.
On September 19, 2008 at approx 5pm, you crossed that yellow line......... at that moment you changed my life forever, you changed the lives of my family and my 6yr old daughter. At that moment you took my best friend, my dad, and my hero from me......... a man who taught me so much in this hideous world, who took my hand so many time and held it both physically and figuratively. He meant the world to me....... he's been my parent on the other end of the phone for so many things. And waited up so many nights wondering when I was going to come home. It took me a long time to realize this man was my friend......... something that I will never get to tell him again.
My dad was a man of many stories......... he could light up the faces of everyone in the room, he could help people just by looking at them......... until now, All that evening I had this sick unsettling feeling in my body, little did I know that it was because of you.
When my brother called a little over 6hrs later to tell me that my dad had been in an accident.......... I said okay, well how is he, where is he?? I remember some words coming out of Robin's mouth......... and I couldn't make them out, I said what? What?? What do you mean ?? Are you messing with me? Joking with me? - as sick as a joke it might be, it was just too soon for me. ........... He said he was gone. I screamed, I hit the floor......... I wailed inside and out and rocked myself back and forth. The tears of shock rolled down my face. My partner Doug held me ............ and held me tight. You....... YOU did this to me! So you might ask so soon.......... so soon you say? Just a year, two month and three days ago.......... my son who was just three days shy of 17mos passed away as well. I hate that you took my dad from me, when I was just beginning to get by day to day. You took my dad from me..........
But it's not just me that you impacted.......... not just our mom, who was married to my dad for 42yrs, not just four adult children, and several other family members. You took some one who meant so much to my 6yr daughter. A wonderful, bright, and beautiful girl........ who had to experience the death of her baby brother, and yet she rose up and accepted all of the challenges of Kindergarten. And now you take someone else from her........ how do we know what she's thinking, how do we know what this has done to her, how do we know..... well think about that for a while.
So as I finish my story, I'd like to share a story with all of you........... Members of the court, members of the jury, members of the opposing party and mostly my family. On Sept 24, after spending time with my family and releasing my dads spirit to dance in the wind......... I arrived back at my parents house in Groton, VT. It was really hard to walk into the house, it just felt so creepy.......... I went into the living room, to make a space for my daughter to sleep on the couch, and there he was sitting in his chair, having his cup of coffee, starring quietly off into space wondering when his family was going to get home........... it reminded me of one night, that I had been out until 2 or 3 am in the morning, and I walked in the house, there he was.......... just sitting there, waiting for me, he was pissed, but was just glad that I was home safe. I don't even remember if he asked me where I'd been just that I was home......... and I was safe. ........... my dad stayed in the chair until I was asleep on the floor, he was gone in the morning. I didn't think much about it while I did things at home with my mom in Groton and my family, until I was getting ready to leave. I went back into the living room to make sure that I hadn't left anything, and there he was in the chair again. I didn't couldn't walk out the room with out putting my hand out to his, letting him give me his squeeze that he always did, -it was his way of saying, it was nice seeing you, thanks for visiting, come again soon. and Love you. - I squeeze his hand right back. And looked at him and said goodbye.......... only this time as sad and eerie was this experience was, he wasn't even in the chair.
Thank you.
Comments:
I have no idea the pain you are going through, but as a friend, I am here if you need me!
I am so sorry for your loss. You have been thru so much in the last few years...I wish I lived closer and I would give you a big hug. Just know i am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers,
(((((BIG HUGS)))) If you need someone to talk to, PM me...
I'm soooo sorry your hurting this much. I really wish I could be there for you. I know how angry and hurt and sad you are. I know words can't console you much right now but just know I am here for you whenever you need a friend to talk to or just vent with. I can only imagine the pain losing someone so close to the anniversary of yur sweet little angel. I wish I could make it better but I can't. Just know that I love you and I'm standing by your side in spirit. Know that they are together and now he gets to take of Logan for you until you are reunited in Heaven. I've lost some very close friends and family members recently and I take comfort in the fact that they will care for my little one for me. I know in my heart they are together and they are taking care of each other until we can all be together again. You have every right to be angry. Give Kayliegh lots of hugs and kisses and let her know you are there for her if she has any questions. You'll find the words and strentgh thru her. They are stronger than we give them credit for. Sending you tons of hugs and kisses and lots of prayers and a sense of peace that your dad and Logan are together. Love you much. Tammy
Hey sweetie I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. I am thinking about you always and I am here if you need to talk. Keep your head up ! Love to you and your family.
Oh, hon, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had some words of comfort to share with you. Please know that I am thinking of you in your time of need and my heart goes out to you and your entire family.
I can't imagine losing my dad. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss I can't imagine the pain and loss you are going through right now just reading your post im in tears! like someone else commented just remember that now you lil angel has someone to play with and they are together now! I hope that you and your family are ok and if you need anything let me know!!! I wish a great big hug right now!!!!! and remember to show your daughter that it is ok to show her emotions and that you will be there for all of her emotions!!!!! let me know if you need to talk and make sure that lady who did this pays!!!!! hugs ~becca~
Wow. VERY powerful and moving. And you know that somewhere your Dad is watching you, proud of you. I am so sorry you've been through so much this past year and change. I wish there was something more I could do than lend moral support from a distance. But you know I'm here when you want to talk.
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I'm so sorry. Sending hugs to you, Doug, and your daughter.
- momtomatthew02
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