Lately, I have been feeling so damn depressed I don't know what to do. It seems like my husband is happy as long as I shut up about anything I do not like, but the second I say anything, it is all my fault somehow. It couldn't possibly be that he is selfish, could it?
I see all these posts about women with their engagement rings, and it hurts so much inside to realize that I wasn't important enough to him to even go look for one, let alone sacrifice some of his hobbies to buy one for me. I don't feel special or wanted or loved at all. I am pretty sure if he knew how to find his ex, he would have married her instead of me. The shitty thing is, I have said this to his face and he has yet to deny it. Had never ever made me feel special, and even when he does a small gesture, it is usually right after I have told him for the umpteenth time about it.
I feel like shit every day. I work four jobs from home and he couldn't even take care of the rent for me. I sweat everything else in this house, and he couldn't take this one burden for me. No, he leaves it all for me to do. I love him so much, but right now I want to strangle him.
My birthday is coming up in two months and I just know he isn't gonna do anything for me again. I just know that he is gonna let my friends do it for me and say "I'm sorry I didn't have the money to get you a pretty." Thats what he always says.
If he thinks I am having another baby with him he is out of his ever loving mind. I am not doing it. I am not raising four kids by myself AND taking care of his ass. I can't do it. I don't know if I even want to be with him anymore.