A tale of two struggles

[BuriedNLilSocks]

There are two sides of me right now...

Side one= down to business me. This side is proud to be working two jobs, in school to become a nurse, single, and strong. This side knows that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and this side ignores the fear of watching my little one's dad fall in love with another woman. I love this side, I'm happy to be her.

Side two=emotional me. This side is terrified. I want to go to John's house and expain to him that I need him to be there for me, not just financially. This side is insecure about his new girlfriend, who never should have gotten in the picture. This side trusts God, loves him, and HAS to use him for support. This side is tired all the time and clueless about how to add a baby to all I'm juggling. I am not proud to be this way. I stuggle with this every day and I pray God will help me to be strong and overcome my heartache and fear.

I know God knows what is best for me, and I am learning so many important lessons on patience, perserverence, and leaving it up to my God right now. But I'm fighting it. I want it to be easier. I want John back. I want to be a stay at home mom, taking care of the two people I'll care more about than anyone in the world. I want to not worry about being alone and overburdened and poor and weary. But once again, I'm held together by faith. Christ has brought me so far from where I've been. Clinging to him is the only secure relationship I've had, and that's ok. I will let this storm take me and my son where it will. There will be ups and downs...and maybe I'll come out a little stronger and wiser every time.