Why can't my family get along?

[rivermom3]

My family has owned a cottage on Frentress Lake for about 50 years.  As a child I used to spend everyday down there with my entire extended family.  But now my family, specifically my father and his brother can no longer get along and the usage of the cottage has been an issue for years.  My family including my brothers and sister use the cottage the most.  Recently we were told instead of handing the cottage down to the next generation, like my grandpa intended, they are going to sell it.  I found out yesterday for an amount that just blows my mind! 

My problem is when my brothers and sister found out about the sale they said some really nasty things to my father including tell him that they will never speak to him again.  Well, my son's birthday is in a few weeks and we are having a party at my house.  I usually invite my brothers, sister and both sets of grandparents.  But this year I am unsure about inviting my father.  My sister, brothers and father all have extreme tempers and I don't want any fighting at my son's birthday.  I just know they cannot get along and I am unsure of what to do.  My father also has drinking problems and ever since the issue with the cottage he is always drunk.  I know he will show up drunk and there will be a huge fight.  What would you do?  I thought about not inviting my father, since he has a really bad memory and is always drunk he usually forgets stuff anyway and probably will have no idea that it is my son's birthday.  But since I am not like my brothers and sister I know I will feel really bad not inviting him even though I am very angry at him about the situation with the cottage.  I wish there was an easy answer! 

[HoneyBee06]

Oct. 12, 2008 at 12:49 PM

I would honestly invite them all and tell them right out no fighting... its your son's birthday and they should respect that n keep mouths shut at eachother... Kai shouldnt have to see the family like that on his day.... ya know?! My family and Jeremy's family dont get along but we shut our mouths and let it go just because its about the child not some stupid thing people disagree about.

 

~Melissa

[moneysaver6]

Apr. 3, 2009 at 10:47 AM

We've dealt with this before.  My husband's parents got divorced and no one wanted to talk to the other.  My family is the same way.  For our oldest DD's 1st birthday, we played the game & invited everyone to our house then went to the house of the person who couldn't "stand" to be there for a total of FOUR other birthday parties!  We decided after that MADDENING year that we were not going to put our children nor ourselves through that.

Starting the next year, we invited everyone to the ONE party. We let them know that everyone was invited and that there would be no fighting or bickering for the party.  They had managed to look at each other for our wedding, they could do so for the party.  If they decided NOT to come, it was no sweat off our back.  We could care less. However, we would not be going to a different house for a different party.  THIS was her birthday party.  They could either choose to come or choose not to come.  The decision was theirs.  If they didn't want to come but wanted to give a gift, they could come at a later time to do so. 

We also required them to not talk to our children about WHY they didn't want to come.  (This happened a couple of years later when our kids were older and one thoughtless step-parent tried to make a FIVE year old feel guilty for not having 3 parties!)  If they choose not to come, they choose not to come and tell US and not any of our children!  They may NOT tell our children anything regarding the decision.  We would simply tell our kids that so & so was unable to come.  Period.  No excuses.  NO reasons.  No telling our children WE were being uncooperative by not having a separate party when THEY were the ones who couldn't manage to get along for 2 hours!

Don't cater to this crap.  Invite everyone and let them know that no fighting will be allowed.  If they show up and start fighting, then they're out.  If your dad shows up drunk, don't let him in the door.

Amy