Does he do it on purpose?

[CaLizzyMom]

My hubby isn't really responsible for much around the house, mostly just the basic guy stuff; mow, weed-eat, take care of dog and yard, car stuff, and basic around the house repairs.   Over the years we have worked out a system and we have added a few things to that list the last several months, now he takes out the trash (which Caleb will eventually inherit), unloads the dishwasher (for some reason I absolutely detest unloading, I don't mind loading at all), and he will get the clothes off the line on occasion when I have let thing get away from me.  We have a pretty good working relationship that way.  We have been married for several years and we have only really had a couple of actual out-loud fights, we are both very laid-back.  Instead of fighting, we are both passive-aggresive (such a strange phrase) and we take our frustration out on other things instead of having a good cleansing disagreement (I like that word better than fight or argument).  Lately, I have been noticing that things are a little off,not wrong, just not quite right.  We have been pretty busy lately, poor hubby is still working 6 days a week and I have been spending my evenings at swim lessons.  So by the time we are all home for dinner (about an hour later than usual, thanks to the swim lessons), there is just enough time to eat and a quick shower or bath for the kids before they go to bed.   I have been giving the kids their bath/shower and asking Joel if he can get the clothes off the clothesline.   If you have ever used a clothesline you will understand that you have to fold the clothes as you go, much like taking them out of the dryer, except that they wrinkle faster when they aren't hot (like when they are taken from the dryer).  Joel has been folding the clothes, sort of, I still have to re-fold them  so that they look normal and even then they are still horribly wrinkled.  I really don't think he is really doing that on purpose as it affects his clothes more than mine (he has to wear uniforms and the look really bad when they are wrinkled, and don't even ask, in the 5 years he has had this job I have never ironed his uniforms).  But then there are other things, he has stopped replacing the trash bag when he takes the trash out, and I refuse (not out loud, of course) to replace the bag and  mention it later in the evening, usually when he is unloading the dishwasher and putting the dishes away in the wrong place.  That is the other thing that has slipped, we have lived here for two years and everything is still where I put it when we moved in, why does he put it away somewhere different?  I don't know if this is just because he isn't paying attention or if it is his own passive-aggressive war that he is waging against me (I'm not really sure what for, other than a change in routine the past month). 

Oh well, I'm just tired, I guess I'll just go make sure his wrinkly uniform is on the top of the pile so he can wear it to his meeting tomorrow.

(Don't worry, I'm pretty he just isn't paying attention to what he is doing, so maybe I'm the only one in this passive-aggressive war.)

[lonephoenix]

Oct. 9, 2008 at 2:38 PM

You know, my husband is kind of the same way too.  His job fluxuates between 5 and 6 days a week and neither of us really have time to get things done.  We came to this agreement that he would take out the trash, clean up after the dog, take out the diapers from the diaper pail because they get heavy and empty the litter when it needs to be emptied.  He would vacuum too because I have a bad shoulder and can't really push a heavy vacuum.  Pretty much everything else I would do.  He gets seriously behind on his chores and then I have to pester him and he tells me that he'll get to it tomorrow...tomorrow comes and goes...so I started doing all of it by myself until I finally told him how I felt.  Of course he got mad, that's just how he is, but some improvements have been made, thank god!  Honestly, I think it's just a man thing. 

[CaLizzyMom]

Oct. 9, 2008 at 5:09 PM

I don't think my hubby would be to upset if I mentioned these things to him, but I feel like I'm nagging and I feel guilty because he is working alot right now.  So for now I am just going to let it go and make my favorite cookies instead of his.

(Original Poster)