Never Say Never!

Always something to learn!

While the question asked today seems like a simple one to answer, I am afraid that lately I struggle to find a favorite thing about Sundays.  That used to be a very different story.  When Garr and I where first married Sundays where my favorite day.  It truly was a day of rest and fellowship with others.  We would wake up and head to church, after that it was lunch with the in laws, then we had the rest of the day to relax.  We usually did a little laundry during that time, but it was definitely a laid back day. 

Now it seems that I dread Sunday coming.  That day is such a drain, I wake up well before the sun, as I do most days, and get some things done before the kids stir.  After that it is time to pile in the car for the hour drive to church, where must arrive 2 hours early since Garr runs the sound board.  While the kids and I wait for church to begin I run around like crazy trying to get every lesson for every kids class put together and set up for the teachers arrival.  Each time I also hope and pray that the teachers show up this Sunday.  After everything is set, church begins.  I am 98% of the time ending up teaching a class, if not trying to juggle two classes by combining kids of all ages.  I love kids and I love to see them learn, but being up in front of them week after week, leading worship alone, then instructing them with no help drains me completely.  After class is over the game is on to see when the parents will come to pick up their children.  Days like today when a parent arrives just to tell their child they can wait in the classroom while I watch them for another 20 minutes is esspically frustrating.

After the pick up of the children it is time for clean up of the classrooms while I also field any questions  about the upcoming ladies brunch I am planning or the next kids event. I used to ask the teachers to make sure their rooms where clean and trust that they where, but after 5 or 6 phone calls to me telling me that they are still leaving sticky tables and dirty carpets, I have found that I have to inspect each room and usually end up vacuuming and cleaning tables.  At 12:30 we are finally the last ones to leave the building and have already put in 9-10 hours to our day.  Next is the hour long drive home, then making lunch as we all walk in the door starving. 

After we arrive home, the kids go down for a nap and we usually take an hour to just sit, but after that the kids are up and on the run, and we are playing catch up with any cleaning or lose ends.

Sometimes I just don't understand why I even bother, why even stick around?  I know a lot of how tiring Sundays are is my fault, I am the one that tries to do it all, and is particular about every thing getting done properly.  I am the one that took this on, and that wakes up to get some work done before heading off to church.  I am the one that goes to a church that is an hour away... so I am responsable for most of the situation I am in.  I have begged and pleaded for help, and while some very faithful do stand up, most just sit on the sidelines.  I long to find a place where I can go and not have the life sucked out of me week after week.  I am more then happy to help, but this just seems overwhelming.  Garr told me that as he sat in church he pictured me walking all the kids back to their parents and taking our kids home and never coming back.  I have to say I was close to it today, but I just can't do it, I can't give up, I can't exactly put my finger on why, but I feel like I have to stay there until things are at least up and running for those kids, then I can step down.  I am getting closer to having a system and people to actually run it, but sometimes I still feel like giving up and get frustrated. 

Sundays are exhausting and draining, I long for some refreshment and rest.  Somewhere to go where I can help, but also can be supported when I need it.  In the midst of all the exhaustion and busyness of the day if I look hard enough I can find my favorite thing.  My favorite thing is when the kids just get it, my own or the others in the classroom.  I love it when we are on our long drive home and my daughter asks us to pray for her, or when the troubled child in the classroom finally is listening and can answer every question about the lesson, or how excited the kids are to tell me about their weeks.  I hope that I can focus on those little moments and those little things, and with God's strength accomplish the job I need to get done for those kids at this time. 

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Comments:

manna1qd
Oct. 12, 2008 at 8:19 PM

I have been in your position.  It turns out, when the gap isn't filled, that is when people step up.  We think ourselves indespensable when we are not.  Most of all, Our Lord's burden is light.  Thick about your callling and what gives you joy.  Ask for your husband's input.  I know you are missing the joy of motherhood  and family life for what you are doing now.  I dare say, the isn't God's plan, it's yours, just as you say.  Been there, done that.

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beth12
Oct. 13, 2008 at 10:10 PM Love the new photos... your hair looks young & fresh
all is well here .. see you guys soon .... Beth

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4purp...
Nov. 12, 2008 at 11:39 AM

where abouts do you go to church, located.  I'd love to help you if close.  you sound great, busy but dedicated.you rock

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